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saiilorstars · 3 months ago

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ch.22: Avengers' Tower

Steve Rogers x OFC fic • squeeze your eyes for a Bucky Barnes x (2nd) OFC

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @gloryekaterina @lenonizi @averyhotchner @foxesandmagic @kmc1989 @caplanbuckybarnes

Story Masterlist • Seren’s Masterlist• Chloe’s Masterlist

Also available on Fanfic ○ Ao3 ○ Wattpad

If you’d like to be a part of this OC’s work/edits, let me know!

At this point in his life, Steve knew he shouldn't be at all surprised with the luxuries and technology that surrounded Tony Stark, but somehow Tony always found a way. Seren laughed when they entered the elevator after she had to drag him inside. He was too busy looking at the reception area.

Tony was already waiting for them in the penthouse when the elevator doors slid open. "Twinkle Star!" He exclaimed when the ginger woman strolled into the room.

"Not my name," she wagged a finger, resembling Pepper too much in the moment.

"It's a lovely nickname," Tony insisted.

"That apparently I'm never getting rid of!"

"Don't make her mad, Stark," Steve warned, "She's been known to break men's wrists."

Tony laughed. "Speaking of experience there?"

"He hasn't angered me yet," Seren patted Steve's arm. "But enough with the greetings, what's the mission?"

"Oh," Tony's expression twisted in disdain, "Don't make it sound like it's a SHIELD mission, please." That forced Seren's smile off her face. The only reason Steve didn't jump in was because it was an honest mistake on Tony's part. "We are not SHIELD!" Tony turned away from the two, opening his arms to gesture the current living quarters. "We are better! Least we will be when you two decide to stop playing honeymoon and come back to work already!"

"Tony," Steve deadpanned the man.

"Not done playing yet?"

"Tony," went Seren with the same deadpanning look.

"Do you two practice that or what?" Tony rolled his eyes and instructed them to follow him to the elevator. "I've already spoken to Steve about this but Seren, you're going to finally see what I envision for us."

"And then we talk about Chloe?"

"And then we talk about Chloe," Tony nodded fervently.

"Fine, whatever," Seren said, mumbling a 'let's get this over with' afterwards.

Tony grinned as the pair finally entered the elevator with him. "I'm assuming the Captain here already told you about the basics of my idea?" He asked once the elevator dropped them off on a different floor. He led the way out.

"About partnering up? Yeah," Seren nodded. She was tailing Tony whilst taking in the laboratory they were walking into. "I think there are plenty of HYDRA bases that we need to eliminate."

"I'm glad we're on the same page because there's something I need to tell you — both of you," Tony eyed the couple seriously. "I spoke to Chloe and she told me something that I truly had not thought about yet."

"When was that?" Seren quickly asked, unable to hide her concern. It felt like honest-to-god ages ago since she last spoke to Chloe.

"Yesterday," Tony turned around suddenly, causing Seren to crash into him.

Steve reached for her and gently pulled her back with him. "Tony," he said warningly. "Just get on with it."

"Relax, I'm actually a little concerned with this one," Tony admitted and because of that earnestness, he had claimed both Seren's and Steve's undivided attention within the minute. "When S.H.I.E.L.D. went down, did either of you know where Loki's scepter ended up? Or rather, do you know who took custody of it after we fought Loki?"

Seren was quick to jump on the answer until she realized midway that she didn't actually know the answer. "Umm…" She turned to Steve for help but just like her, he was struggling to remember. "I think..."

The aftermath of the battle in New York was fuzzy already for Seren due to her head injury. She remembered going up to the penthouse to secure Loki and then returning downstairs for a quick debriefing...or was she always on the first floor?

"Oh God, I don't know," Seren finally had to admit out loud. "I-I don't remember much…"

"You were passed out almost immediately after we had Loki," Steve reminded her, "It's not your fault you can't remember stuff."

"But I never asked afterwards," Seren continued, "I didn't think to ask. I just…"

"You blindly trusted Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D.," Tony finished for her, forcing Seren to nod in agreement.

"Yeah, but believe me, I won't be blindly trusting anyone again," Seren said bitterly. She made the vow to herself and she was going to stick to it.

"Well, I can think of maybe one person..." Tony thought to say and smirked when Seren turned to Steve again.

"You know I meant—"

Steve had to cover up Seren's mouth in order to speak. "Seren, I know what you meant. Of course I know." Even with his hand on her mouth, he could see her cheeks rising from a smile below.

Seren lowered his hand off her and glanced at Tony. "What did Chloe say? And please tell us everything."

Tony nodded. Personally, he thought Chloe's behavior yesterday was a bit off considering all the things they had been going through. She seemed less frantic, indecisive about the surgery. Despite Chloe's change of behavior, she had still come in for her daily check in like nothing.

"I've been thinking," Chloe remarked as soon as she pulled the monitoring pads off her temples, "and you're going to call me insane for even thinking about it while I have all this other stuff going on."

Tony was still reading the latest results of her exams on the computer. "I'd call you insane anyways but go on." He looked up for a brief second to smirk at her.

She rolled her eyes playfully at him. "I was being serious. These Animinds, they don't let me think very clearly a lot of the time now but sometimes...sometimes they do actually help me. Last night, I dreamed about the scepter."

"Scepter? You mean that lunatic of Loki's scepter?" Tony stopped altogether. He straightened up and waited for Chloe to explain.

"I don't know about Seren but I never really learned where the scepter went after we secured it."

"What do you mean?"

Chloe stood up from her chair and left behind all the monitoring tools. She would never have to see those things again after this week. "I mean that once we handed it over to S.H.I.E.L.D., we never saw it again. I'm sure about Seren too. We don't know where it went nor who was in charge of it and now that S.H.I.E.L.D. is gone…"

Tony realized where Chloe was going with the conversation. The idea of the scepter being out again brought chills to his body. "That thing can't be lost again, Chloe."

"Except I think it is. S.H.I.E.L.D. went down but not all of its bases did, I'm sure."

"So you think there's more rogue bases out there?" Tony's voice was drenched in fear and plain concern. They couldn't allow for those kinds of bases to continue.

Chloe nodded. " HYDRA bases," she clarified, "The Animinds and I worked it out to the best of our abilities. We're pretty sure the scepter is within one of the rogue bases where those remaining loyal to HYDRA are still working fervently against us."

"Chloe told you all that?" Seren raised an eyebrow at Tony.

Tony nodded. "I'm not entirely sure that she was sure but the fact does remain that the scepter is missing."

"It is," Seren nodded. "It...it really is." She felt Steve's hand lay on her shoulder, and his gentle squeeze did a lot more than she would've thought. "Steve, we can't let the scepter stay missing. We need to find it."

"Yeah," Steve agreed. He couldn't live knowing the scepter was gone and in the hands of HYDRA. If they managed to work it out and make the scepter usable, HYDRA would have a whole new advantage over them and then no one would be safe. "Tony, any ideas?"

Tony's smile promised that he did. "I'm glad you asked. There's no doubt that we all agree the scepter needs to be in our hands, not HYDRA's. We'll need to team up."

"Oh," Seren crossed her arms, "You two on the same team?" She made a point between the two men. "Because that worked out so well the last time."

"We'll be on our best behavior, Twinkle Star," Tony promised whilst looking directly at Steve with a more than annoying smile. "Isn't that right?"

Steve smiled wryly at him. "Of course."

Seren shook her head at the pair. "I can feel the headaches already starting."

"I'll try to build up some brownie points, then," Tony said, gesturing for Seren and Steve to follow inside the laboratory. "Chloe knows about this, I think she mentioned it to one of you already."

Neither understood what Tony talked about until they saw a half finished suit lying on a work table. It had outlines of silver and blue but it was still very much under construction.

"Is this supposed to be a super suit?" Seren gently laid a hand over one of the sleeves.

"Yes, but it's not for you," Tony stopped on the other side of the table. His hands drummed along the table. "It's for Chloe."

Seren felt warmth in her chest when she heard the answer. She looked up from the suit and smiled at Tony. "You're making a suit for Chloe." She did remember Chloe talking about that a while ago. She seemed so excited about it.

"Is this what you two were doing back then?" Steve wondered out loud. "She went missing for hours at a time."

"She consulted," Tony shrugged. "She's a very intelligent young woman, you know. Understands the concepts better than I thought she would."

"Chloe is very smart, Tony," Seren said with a flat tone. "If she hadn't gotten up in our messes, she would've gone off to be something like Banner."

"Never too late for her," Tony said, "I did offer to pay for her GED course and college if she wanted to but she refused."

"That was kind of you," Steve remarked, smiling genuinely.

"Well anyways," Tony went on sharply, not really in the mood to hear happiness from the pair, "this is all of Chloe's stuff which she will come to own when it's all done but that's not why I wanted you in here." He made a nod for them to follow him again. He led them further down the room, passing by several unfinished pieces on the way.

"You've been busy," noted Steve.

Tony smirked as he came to a stop in front of an empty table. "You could say that. I always have ideas going on in here." He tapped the side of his head.

"And what's going on here?" Steve tapped the empty worktable.

"What will be going on here," Tony corrected, "is whatever your dear little star will want in her own suit."

Seren's eyes widened in shock. "What!? Me?" Even Steve was surprised with the news.

Tony remained completely calm despite the heavy desire to laugh. "You both are uncannily the same."

"Tony, whatever you're thinking…" Seren stepped away from the table but jumped when Tony brought a holographic screen to life in front of them. Seren studied it as much as she could and came to a quick conclusion. "Is that...is that me?"

If she was reading things correctly, Tony had taken liberty to examine her set of powers on a molecular level and testing them on a virtual scale.

Tony nodded. "Yeah, I've been studying your abilities as best as I could to get started on a suit."

"Tony, you don't have to do any of that stuff," Seren said quickly, "I already had a suit—"

"That went down with SHIELD," Tony reminded her. "Plus, it was a SHIELD suit, Seren. Given what we now know about them, I doubt you would want to keep wearing something they made."

Seren paused just as she was about to retort. That was sort of true. She would feel like a real puppet in the suit.

"Look," Tony started once he figured Seren would be more open to listening, "I know your story. You've been pushed around through SHIELD levels, missions, and whatnot. The only real thing you were in charge of was naming yourself. And don't get me wrong, the name is pretty catchy but don't you want to be able to do more for yourself?"

Seren's eyes drifted towards the hologram. She could see the bases that Tony had already started for her.

"I can help construct a suit for you but at the end of the day, you would be calling the shots." Tony smiled when Seren looked back at him. "Completely free to make the creative decisions, well, all decisions but you know what I meant."

"And what would be the point?" Seren asked, unknowingly stepping back against Steve as if he would protect her from...the unknown. He wrapped an arm around her waist for comfort. "Stardust worked for SHIELD all her life. Nobody's going to be able to separate her from that."

"You'd be surprised," Tony remarked, "People got past what I used to do for a living, and since you and I both went into space for their sake, I think they'll be able to forgive you too."

"Still…" Seren let out a long breath, "A new suit…"

"C'mon Twinkle Star, you know a new suit is a killer idea," Tony wiggled an eyebrow at Seren. She had to laugh. "Besides, we have plenty of missions ahead of us...if you're willing. Captain, that goes for you too."

"Listen Stark, I have my own mission right now, you know that…" Steve said, only continuing when Tony nodded, "But I'm finding the scepter one way or another. I'm in."

Tony smiled. "Great, cause I already started tinkering with ideas for your suit as well."

Steve's eyebrows raised but the surprise wore off in a matter of seconds. "Of course you would. But just because I'm in, doesn't mean I'm speaking for Seren. She's got other things to think about." He brought his free hand up Seren's arm in a comforting manner.

"Yeah," Tony shrugged. "I figured as much. But don't be shy, let me show you the rest of the place. Don't worry, all this cool stuff will still be here later."

Seren rolled her eyes at him. "Just lead the way already."

Tony listened and started heading out. Seren lingered in her spot, her gaze glued on the hologram still lit with life. She came back to upon feeling Steve's hands rubbing against her arms.

"You okay?" He asked, pressing a kiss on her temple.

"No," Seren whispered. "But we both knew that was gonna happen as soon as we left Hudson."

"You're still in control this time," Steve reminded her. "Tony's got that right. You're calling the shots."

"I'm calling the shots between you two?" Seren looked up at him.

Steve mused at the idea of her being in charge of him and someone like Tony Stark. Of course this woman also had the ability to create and self combust stars so in all truth, he and Tony should be on their best behaviors.

"What are you thinking about?" Seren pulled Steve out of his thoughts.

Steve blinked and smiled to the point of laughing. "That I promise you I'll try to behave, boss."

Seren laughed with his answer. "I will be the boss," she scrunched her face with his pepper kisses over her temples.

~0~

Tony showed Seren and Steve the entire tower, even if it did take almost all day. If they were being honest with each other, neither Seren nor Steve had thought Tony would be that serious about this team idea of his. The tower was exceptionally big, bigger now that they were on the inside. Each floor was furnished to the max, specifically for what its purpose was whether it was for a kitchen, a regular lounge, training rooms…

"Tony, you really think we need all these training rooms?" Seren asked once they went through the third floor with the same purpose as the last 2.

"Excuse me you self-combusting space oddity," Tony said so smoothly that as much as Seren wanted to be irritated with him, she had to laugh.

"What did you call me?" She set her hands on her hips.

"What? You know how long it took me to perfect the walls of this floor just so it wouldn't go up in flames when you touch it?"

Seren pursed her lips. "Fine." She did have a track record with accidentally frying things when she was younger. She didn't want to be responsible for bringing down an entire Tower because she had accidentally punched a hole through a wall.

"So this team," Steve started once they were back in the hallway heading for the elevator, "I doubt you're thinking about just us three."

Tony confirmed Steve's thoughts. "I had Chloe in mind but she's on pause until her situation is less...you know...but I was thinking of Romanoff. She's lethal and if we're going up against HYDRA again, we need all the lethal we can get."

"Well, Natasha's off the grid as well," Steve informed Tony, "Don't think you'll be able to convince her just yet."

"I have ways," Tony said as they stepped inside the elevator. "And I'll start with Barton too. Seren, do you have any idea how to contact him?"

Seren shrugged. "I have a cell phone number but I don't know if it's still working after everything that happened with Shield. I haven't actually talked to him yet."

"Get on that then, quickly. I'm going to reach out to Banner."

"Woah, you really think bringing in Banner is a good idea," Steve said, already wary of the idea.

Tony just smiled. "Don't worry, I've primed the tower not only against Twinkle Star's abilities but Banner's too. We'd be safe...as much as we can be in this line of work."

Seren didn't seem so against the idea which helped Steve accept the proposal. She seemed lost in her thoughts all the way to the next floor. It was only when they stepped out of the elevator that she made those thoughts known. "We should contact Thor."

"Point Break?" Tony made a face. Seren and Steve decided to ignore the fact Tony made another nickname.

"Well, Loki is his brother and if anyone would know more about that scepter than us, it would be Thor," Seren explained.

"And you know how to get in contact with him?"

"Not exactly but when he took me to visit Celessia, he talked about his friend, Heimdall, who basically oversaw the world. I'm sure that if that friend was aware we needed to see Thor, he'd pass the message on."

"That's the plan, then?" Tony raised an eyebrow, making it clear he was quite unimpressed.

Seren raised her head. "Yup, and you don't go against the boss." She wagged a finger and walked past Tony.

Tony mimicked her last words and turned around. "She's definitely a lot to handle."

Steve clapped a hand over Tony's shoulder. "I'd be careful with what you say about her."

Tony scoffed. "Overprotective, Captain?"

"Uh, maybe, but I won't get to do anything. She'll break your wrists. I've seen her do it twice already to men overstepping with her." They would forever be cherished memories for Steve, not to mention downright hilarious.

"Tony!" They heard Seren call for down the hall. "Why are these rooms so big?!" She had come out of a bedroom and if she was right, the door on its right was an adjoining door. The one on the left had been a bathroom. She left the room and hurried down to the next door. When she opened it up, she found a living room. Beside that was the kitchen. "I thought this was supposed to be another training floor?"

"Well, it's like you said, we've got loads of those already," Tony said, quietly slipping in the fact they had a hangar just outside of New York for bigger training purposes. "I know your situation is tough right now, the same applies to you, Steve, and Chloe and Romanoff. If we're doing this, it'll be easier if we're all here."

"You want us living together?" Steve asked, his eyebrows raising up in shock.

"Well, I know you're more of a traditional kind of man..." Tony said, barely holding the urge to smirk when Steve's face fell flat, "So don't worry, you and Twinkle Star don't have to share anything if you don't want to. There's plenty of rooms to go around. Each floor has two sets of adjoining dorms, if you want to call it that."

"Wow Tony," Seren crossed her arms, now more honest than ever, "You've really been working towards this."

Tony nodded. "I have. I figured if we're going to be doing this for a while, we might as well do it right. We need all this stuff while we're working."

Seren's face softened slowly. She may have just taken Tony a thousand times more seriously than before. "Thank you," she said, startling Tony.

"What?"

Seren moved in to hug him. Tony's hands raised in front of himself, or rather in front of Seren's back. "I'm not touching!"

Steve rolled his eyes at the man. "Knock it off, Stark."

"I'm not touching! Look!" Tony insisted until he felt Seren's body shake from laughter.

"So you can be funny," she said, pulling away.

"What do you mean I'm not funny?"

"Oh dear," Seren mocked a pout as she lightly patted Tony's cheek, "Has Pepper not been honest with you?"

Tony deadpanned her laughing face. "So you want to hear the reason I called you in now?"

That got Seren quiet and still. She knew the reason Tony called her in the first place. Chloe.

~0~

Both Seren and Steve felt like their stay in Hudson had been far longer than they originally thought after listening to everything Tony and Chloe had done in the meantime. Tony explained the situation with Chloe's growing connection with the Animinds, being explicitly clear that the connection was wonky at best. Chloe still had no real control over the connection and if left untreated, she might as well go insane right now.

"The way to help her is through the surgery," Tony said, pouring himself another glass. Of all the places to have this important conversation, he brought them to the penthouse. "Dr. Helen Cho is confident that it would be a success and truthfully, she's the only one I trust with Chloe's situation."

"But Chloe doesn't want to do it," Steve presumed. "Why not?"

"She's scared, nervous, tired — take your pick," Tony shrugged. He came around the bar and returned to the couch where the pair were. "But even then, Chloe's not ready for the surgery. The connection needs to be somewhat stable before we introduce the next piece."

"But if she and the Animinds aren't getting along…" Seren said, still finding the new name for the aliens soapy in her mouth, "How are they going to stabilize their connection?"

Tony pointed at her with a promising smile that honestly gave Seren a bit of dread. "They talked to me a bit, the Animinds, and they told me something interesting."

"Like what?"

"They were big on family. Being a Hive Mind makes these aliens very familial, I guess, and that's their whole thing. And it got me thinking," Tony leaned forwards in his seat, raising one finger off his glass to point at Seren, "What do you know about Chloe's family?"

The question came as a complete shock to Seren. Her eyes widened, her entire body going still. Steve started looking at her with concern. Tony, however, took that silence as the answer.

"You do know them, that's great! Because you'll be visiting them!"

"What?" Seren's mouth could've dropped to the ground. "Are you insane!?"

"No, I've been thinking about this for a while actually," Tony said, taking a quick sip of his drink, "And since Chloe's mood only keeps going lower and lower, I figure you should be on the next flight to wherever the hell her parents are. One of my private planes, of course, so the next flight is tomorrow morning."

"Tony!" Seren jumped on her feet. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

Tony snorted. He got up from the couch, still taking casual drinks from his glass. "Please. You expect me to believe that you didn't look up Chloe's history when you first found her?" He looked at Seren calmly but determinedly. "She was a kid, of course you did the research." Seren pursed her lips together, crossing her arms tightly in front of her.

Steve had no idea how to intervene because on the one hand, he hated seeing Seren in any uncomfortable situation but on the other hand if she did know about Chloe's family and that would help Chloe, he wanted to do it.

"C'mon Seren," Tony insisted, "It's imperative that Chloe sees her parents. It would help her find some grounding before she undergoes the surgery."

"Except Chloe hasn't accepted the surgery, right?" Seren's eyes narrowed. "And what kind of best friend would I be if I divulged any of her story without her consent? You said it yourself, her mood keeps going lower and lower."

"The whole point is to stop that from happening," Tony's voice sharpened. His patience was a delicate thing and if Seren wanted to be redundant, he would shut it down for the sake of time. "If we don't do the surgery, Chloe's going to drown in her powers. They will overwhelm her. Is that what you want?"

"Tony, dial it down," Steve said, rising from his seat, "Seren just wants what's best for Chloe. You don't even know if she knows where the Winters are."

Tony half smirked. "Oh, she knows where they are. I know she does. C'mon Seren, this is the only way to help Chloe. We're both on the same team, remember?"

Seren continued to stay silent. Of course she wanted to help Chloe, she would do anything to help Chloe. "Does she know what you're trying to do here?"

Tony shook his head. "I figure it would be a much better surprise for her later on. So, those parents?" He reached a hand out to her

Seren smacked his hand away from her. She let another minute pass before coming to terms with her decision, her sense of right. "They live in Malibu," she started quietly, clearly not wanting to say more but she had to for Chloe's sake. Tony started smiling triumphantly which just made Seren want to slap it away. "Little house right on the coast of the beach."

Tony hummed as he turned away. "So Winters is a Malibu girl. And we never crossed paths?"

"Seren," Steve came to her side. He recognized her guilt-ridden expressions long ago. "You're doing it for Chloe."

Seren nodded but deep down she had to wonder if she was truly doing the right thing for Chloe. "When I first brought Chloe, she was a mess. She was in between sobs, scared out of her mind, and given her age, I thought the police department would have a missing person's report. She did. Her parents reported her missing but by the time Chloe was in a better place, she had turned 18. All she had to do was present herself to the department, confirm that she was well, and that was the end of that. Her parents couldn't do anything to get her back anymore."

Serena still vividly remembered the conversation she had with Chloe after the latter had made the decision to visit Malibu for that specific reason. Seren begged Chloe to listen to her and speak with her parents to tell them the truth. They were her parents, of course they would welcome her back but Chloe didn't want to go back. Even when Seren assured Chloe that S.H.I.E.L.D. would continue to help her develop her powers, that Seren herself would personally oversee the work, Chloe wouldn't budge.

"I kept tabs on the family in case Chloe ever decided to go back. Plus, I feel guilty for not being able to get in contact with her parents. At the end of the day, they were just concerned parents wanting to know why their only daughter ran away from home."

"Only daughter?" Tony caught on fast.

"She has two older brothers and a cousin here in the city."

"I remember she's visited the cousin," Tony went on, as if still trying to figure out whether or not Seren was being honest with him. "I drove her there myself, actually."

"Chloe was close to her cousin, he was just a kid when he lost his parents, and the aunt is pretty young so of course Chloe got along with her. Honestly, I always thought Chloe visited just to find out how her parents were doing and so that her aunt could tell them that their daughter was still alive."

"Okay," Tony said slowly, "So they're definitely out. You mentioned siblings?"

"Two brothers, yeah."

"She has an actual family and she hasn't seen them since she ran away?"

"She's always been afraid of what they would think about her," Seren sighed. "Not to mention she was afraid of accidentally hurting them."

Just like now, thought Tony. Chloe wouldn't dare see Seren again for fear of hurting her. She was letting her life slip away because she was scared.

"Meeting with Chloe's parents isn't the best idea, Tony. Trust me when I say that," Seren insisted. "It would overwhelm her and then she'll be really hard to convince."

"Then bring something back for her," Tony suggested, "Something to remind her about that family. For hope." Seren lowered her head. "Seren, that's what you did when you went to Hudson. You went back home, recovered, filled yourself with new hope for the future. I'm asking you to do the same for Chloe."

Seren let out a long sigh. That is what she had done. For better or for worse, she had returned home to her parents. Mom, Dad. And it did her so well. "You really think it'll do her some good?" She asked, meeting Tony's look.

"I really do," he nodded.

Seren ultimately nodded as well. "Fine, but I can't make any promises. And it definitely won't be easy explaining the situation to her parents."

"That's why I'm sending the people-person to them," Tony gave her a comforting pat on her shoulder. "Can you imagine if I went to see them?"

Behind them, Steve had let out a snort and looked away before they saw him laughing.

~ 0 ~

Steve knew better than to think that Seren would be asleep when he finally came to their bedroom. He'd stayed behind with Tony to talk about strategies moving forward and how to start recruiting to their old friends. Seren excused herself to unpack and, well, pack again for her trip tomorrow morning. It was close to midnight and there she was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

"If we're going to start not sleeping again, I might have to drive you back to Hudson," he warned playfully as he approached the foot of the bed. "You were doing so great then."

"Well, that was vacation-Seren. This is me again...just wondering how we're going to fix everything," Seren said. She let out a long, heavy sigh. "Gotta say, I did not miss this."

"Then don't let it get to you again."

Seren made a disbelieving noise; he was definitely one to talk. She felt the bed shift as he climbed on and came to rest beside her. She turned her head in his direction and smiled apologetically. "I think you just have to accept that you chose a very stressful girlfriend. You're of course entitled to refunds."

"Yeah, no." Steve put an arm around her waist and tugged her to his body where she immediately went to rest her head against his chest.

"I have no idea what I'm going to say to these people, Steve," Seren said after a moment of silence. "I mean I just got started on building my own relationship with my parents. Chloe's might be equally as damaged as mine."

"Did she ever talk about them?" Steve asked curiously. He could vaguely remember a few things that Chloe had said when they lived together but it wasn't enough to build a proper image of the Winters family.

"Yeah," Seren nodded. "At first, she was too scared to bring them up. She thought SHIELD would contact them and bring them over. Then when years passed by and Chloe became more sure of herself, she started telling me more about them. I think she was just sad that she left them behind and she wanted to talk about them with someone. She loved them so much, but she was so afraid that she would hurt them. Leaving them behind was her act of selflessness. She would rather they be safe and away from her than, well, the other one."

"What about them? Did they ever try to reach out to Chloe?"

"All Chloe allowed SHIELD to do was inform them that she was under their care and that she was receiving proper treatment. With no more missing person's report, they couldn't force Chloe to come back home. She was 18. But once in a while, the L.A. SHIELD base would send over a copy of a letter they would write. Chloe never read them, though."

Steve felt for Chloe. Sometimes he truly forgot that Chloe wasn't just a young spontaneous, spunky girl he met. She wasn't always the carefree girl she made herself to be. She had a past before joining SHIELD and by the sounds of it, she left it all behind in an effort to be more of an adult when in reality she had still been just a kid. At 17, she was still finding her way and deciding who she was going to be. With the arrival of the Hive Mind and SHIELD, she had to skip over that phase of her life and become an adult.

"What if I say the wrong thing to them and make things worse?" Seren tilted her head up at Steve, eyes filled with fear. "What if I hurt them?"

"Trust me, I don't think it's going to hurt them more than the day Chloe ran away," Steve said, rubbing a comforting hand up and down her back. "I think you could bring them a lot of comfort telling them that she's okay. I'm sure by now they've seen all kinds of reports on the news about SHIELD and, well, us. If they're like your parents, they're going to be going crazy."

"I never thought about that..." Seren said honestly. "Oh God...they have to be going crazy. They can't send letters anymore to SHIELD."

Steve nodded. "Exactly. So you see? Who better to assuage their concerns than you."

"The 'people-person'?" Seren chuckled to herself.

"I mean, could you really imagine the kind of stuff Tony would say if he went instead of you? Those poor people..."

Seren giggled and ultimately agreed she was a better fit for the job. "What about you? I could always use your support in person."

"I'd love to, sweetheart, but I'm meeting with Sam tomorrow. If you really need me, though, I can—"

"No," Seren said softly, "I don't want you to change your plans for me. You do what you gotta do and...just be ready to take my calls, please?"

"Of course," Steve promised her. He kissed the top of her hair and held her tightly.

"So, in regards to everything else...does it seem okay?"

"Well, besides the obvious part of having to work with Tony 24/7, I think it's all good."

Seren hummed. "You do realize 24/7 really does mean...24/7, right?"

"I'm coming to terms with it, yes," nodded Steve. "But I also do appreciate the thought and effort he put into building this place for a team. And I have to admit that the rooms are nice...and spacious..."

Seren made a face then looked up at him again. "Um, if this is your way of asking if I want to share a room with you then the answer is yes. I'm not letting you go in any capacity, lovey."

A smile came to Steve's face then, along with a flush. He still needed to work on his bravery to say things more directly, but he was so lucky that Seren just got him too. She understood him so well. "Then I think there's nothing left to say."

Seren wholeheartedly agreed. She snuggled to him and finally felt the beginnings of sleep coming to her.

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hylianengineer · 1 year ago

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Goddamn it, I have either triggered the Dairy-Allergy-Induced-Anxiety, or I am simply incapable of calming down after this chaotic day. Maybe both.

Also I keep hearing noises I really hope are fireworks... but who sets off fireworks on Halloween? Isn't that illegal? Which isn't to say people don't do it...

I'm really Not Over the sulfuric acid incident at work today. I'm physically completely unharmed but emotionally very shaken up. I've never had a real lab accident before that required reporting or medical advice or anything. This one might not have technically required it either, but the MSDS (material safety data sheet - records we keep on every chemical we use that hold safety and first aid information) said to get medical attention. So I called Poison Control. I'm not even sure why I decided that was the correct people to call - it was very much not an emergency situation since there were no visible injurjes, and who else knows about chemical exposure? Maybe the University EHS department, whose phone number is on the lab door, but really, I don't know who they are or what they do beyond picking up our haz waste. I'm told I made the right call but I feel really self concious about it - why did I call Poison Control, aren't they supposed to deal with small children putting weird things in their mouths, not lab techs with chemical spills? They seemed totally unphased though. And it worked out, they knew what to do, I didn't actually get hurt, I took all the precautions.

After I got off the phone with Poison Control - but before I knew for sure everything was ok, because apparently acid burns don't always develop immediately and they said they'd call me back in an hour - I went upstairs to the grad students' office hoping against hope my favorite PhD student would be there. For emotional support and to have someone around slightly more experienced in Lab Stuff than me. She was not there. However, the PI and a couple other people were having a meeting in the conference room across the hall, and noticed me, and asked if I needed something - I do not generally come to that part of the building. I told her the whole story, and she looked at my not-burn (it seemed completely normal) and told me I did all the right things and it seemed like everything would be fine and asked if I needed anything. Then I went back to the lab, panicked some more, and waited for the Poison Control people to call me back. Which they did 45 minutes late, but I guess they're busy and this was low priority. Fair.

I feel so... ugh. That I was never taught who you call about stuff like this. I know to run acid-affected skin under running water for fifteen minutes. (I even know WHY you're not supposed to neutralize an acid burn with a base: acid+base=water+HEAT.) I know - in theory - how safety showers and chemical spill kits work (I'm so glad I didn't have to test THOSE!). But as for who to call afterwards? It was always assumed someone who knew more than me would be around to handle it. I was the only person in the lab today, and I didn't even know there were other lab members in the building. If I needed help but it wasn't 911 levels of bad, what the hell was I supposed to do? Fucking improvise? If I could've left the lab I could've gone to the office where I know some people - but I was kinda trapped at the sink running my arm under water for a minimum of fifteen minutes. And what the hell do the office folks know about chemical spills anyways?

Is this what being an adult is always like? Constantly figuring things out alone even though you feel like there should be someone older and more experienced and more Trained For This Shit around to handle it?

We used to have a lab manager who I assumed would be around to help if anything like this ever happened. She left six months ago and I've been doing half her job ever since. I'm not trained for this. And on Friday I have to go back to work and keep doing shit I wasn't trained for - this time attempting to repair the ion chromatograph.

Part of me feels like I freaked out over nothing. One drop of acid on one inch of exposed skin. Part of me feels angry that I feel like that. It was fine. It WAS fine. But how was I supposed to know that? I just did what the best information I had at the time - the MSDS - told me to do. Kind of. In the only way I could figure out how to do it. I'm kind of starting to think the MSDS writers need to take a chill pill - I swear every time I end up really needing one, it says something really scary, I act accordingly, and then I feel like an idiot afterwards. (Long story.)

#if i was at the parents house i would not bat an eye because people there do target shooting in their backyards #but i am in the city and you can't do that here #if it was gunshots surely there would be sirens by now. no sirens.#god i feel like this post needs content warnings but i don't know which ones #vent post #probably not osha compliant #like yes i was wearing ALL the PPE as is standard for handling acid and yet. still got it on my skin right between my glove and my labcoat.#the lack of me being trained for where to get reliable safety info is probably not osha compliant #i DO know how to use an msds. just... they really don't tell you much. and they say it in jargon too.#long post #content warning not otherwise specified #gun violence mention

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lifewithoutmeds · 1 year ago

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september 19, 2023

6:54 p.m.

the sun's starting to set earlier. it's setting around now, actually, and i'm typing in a fading light. also it's been about 10-20' cooler than it was about a week ago. the high's are in the mid to high 70's, the nights are cool, and i haven't had to turn on the a/c in about a week. i've also been able to go out on a couple lunch walks, which i hadn't previously, partly due to the weather, partly just because of my headspace.

i feel pretty uneasy lately. i know that the weather has something to do with it. as much as i appreciate how it's cooler, something about it kind of fills me with dread and extreme anxiety and sadness. it feels ... foreboding almost. like a blanket of darkness slowly descending, like i should be hiding the kids in some bunker, nervously looking back, hoping it won't catch up to me. it's a bizarre sensation.

i'm also remembering how much of this dissipated when jadai was here. cooler nights meant a blanket set up by the fireplace, and drinks and monopoly deal. it meant nights at shelby's with the dogs, with a movie on, with pumpkin carving and halloween music. now it's back to nothingness, the unsettledness.

week's recap:

thursday, 9/14/2023: went in to work, uncharacteristically on a thursday, due to a quarterly in-person asset management meeting. i worked a lot, as i do on in-office days, and our Pathway Home meeting ran late, until 6:30 p.m., and then joyce wanted a quick recap which took a few extra minutes. i ended up being quite late to dinner with stacy and catherine, but they had been waiting a bit so the food hadn't all been eaten, and i had some drinks and we all gave little recaps on our lives and catherine was so sweet, when i told her about my may mental breakdown, she said i should've reached out to her, and something to the extent of how when there's something ... i dunno, mature? authentic about my honestly in how i was dealing with the crap and sadness that is life, as opposed to pretending all was good. that was kind of nice to hear. i rarely hear anything good about my outtake on life. again though, it was really really good seeing them and i felt lucky to have been included.

friday, 9/15/2023: went fishing with tracy! i was debating this, since i haven't really felt like fishing in a while, it takes all day, and it gets pretty exhausting, but i figured with summer ending, with my few RDO's, and with tracy going back to work soon, there wouldn't be a ton more chances, so i'd go. and i'm really glad i did. we went out for a few hours, and i caught some perch, and got some sandcrabs and set up tracy with some giant sandcrabs with roe, and she got hit with a nice-sized guitarfish, which fought her pretty hard coming in. i was also slammed twice and my line actually snapped off at the hook, so i didn't know what hit it. it was pretty fun, and just nice to be knee deep in the water, with the hypnotic lull of the water, and seeing little things, the birds, an occasional seal. i dunno. it was kinda nice to be out there and kind of nice to reminded that there were still things that a little bit awakened my soul. afterward she was craving gyros, so we went to a place called gyromania which was pretty tasty but had the weirdest and most offputting customer service i've ever experienced. i don't even quite know how to describe it except Weird.

then we went to our respective homes, i rinsed off my legs, and then crashed, staring at my phone until night.

saturday, 9/16/2023: went with my mom to a few more open houses, none of which were impressive, then went out to lunch per usual, this time at house of joy where we got jamppong and tangsooyuk. it was good and we split the tangsooyuk and she took the jamppong leftovers home to mix up later with market noodles. i laid down for the rest of the day and didn't do any chores. just laid there and i started to feel the darkness, the horror slowly start creeping in. randomly lorena came by after work with some leftover sushi and we went to BJ's where we got some wings and beer and sad music was playing and she was showing me photos of a wedding that she and her gf had gone to in big bear the past weekend, and it completely triggered me: the wedding, big bear, i thought of how that would've been a nice place for jadai and me to get married and before i knew it, i was crying again. i eventually got out of it and saw my former waitress crush but she looked different this time and i felt kind of different about her.

sunday, 9/17/2023: absolutely nothing this day. just laid down. ate some leftovers. just nothing. my hand started hurting from holding my phone for so many consecutive hours. i felt anxious, unproductive, lazy, guilty, and also just again that deep dread, this weird anxiety and i finally took a gummy to help me sleep/not feel, and don't remember the rest of the night.

monday, 9/18/2023: had a hard time focusing for work. the day was a bit of a blur. afterward though i went to grace kim's in pasadena. maddy was being very sweet and cute, and steve got together some really delicious smoked/barbecued meat. they also served a salad and mashed potatoes, all fresh, from the farmer's market, all homemade, all really tasty. i also had a few beers and i was very sad and dark and cried a tiny bit. oh also i had a noon psychiatrist appointment and i cried and cried and she said that this was fairly normal for a break up to feel all the things.

tuesday, 9/19/2023: decided to be productive today. took out trash, picked up the mail, watered some plants, did three loads of dishes and three loads of laundry. walked to the bank, deposited a check my dad mailed me for my birthday, and also withdrew $100 in tens so i could pay my weekly work parking fee. talked a bit on the phone with lana, amir, and lorena, which was nice. i took another walk after work and listened to The Read, and i still felt pretty spooked, like just anxiety and dread gripping my soul, and like i had to keep catching my breath and forcing myself to take deep breaths, and i was a little discouraged at the fact that when i did nothing, i felt bad, and even when i did everything "right," i still didn't feel good. i'm hoping this is a passing feeling, as i have to remind myself that my circumstances haven't changed, only my feelings. and i just need to dig myself out, shovelful by shovelful.

looking ahead: wednesday, 9/20/2023: in office day. randomly got re-in touch with dana from the assessor's office, and we're planning on getting dim sum in chinatown for lunch tomorrow. i haven't seen her in forever but i'm very fond of her and we have a really similar sense of humor. she had a baby recently and has apparently been suffering from terrible anxiety, so we might have lots to catch up on.

thursday, 9/21/2023: will be coworking with danielle again in santa clarita valley. this will probably mean hanging out with her dog and going on a few walks, maybe ordering in lunch like last time. i really appreciate her and enjoy her company and i think we benefit from just being near each other to vent about our personal problems and feelings. she's been a really great and consistent friend these years.

friday, 9/22/2023: a short day at work, and will be taking off an hour to go to a midday doctor's appointment. i think i've lost a few pounds since my last visit so that should be good i guess.

saturday, 9/23/2023: caroline's baby shower in the morning, and hot flash in west hollywood at night. looking forward to both. the wholesomeness of the baby shower, and the debauchery of the night. my new friend kim from long beach bought a ticket, and LD might come too, so for once i might actually know other people at the event and not just hang around, desperate to find a friendly face.

again, today was frustrating. i was doing all of the things. dutifully walking back and forth every 45-50 minutes to pick up my laundry, etc., dutifully washing load after load of dishes, counting my calories, taking my walks, and it just felt so ... i dunno, dull? repetitive? and it takes so much to be healthy, it takes so much to feel fulfilled, and it's just so much monotony and drudgery. i need to work and eat healthily and make my bed, and scrub my toilet and take my walks and then take care of my mental health by talking to a friend, journaling, and watching The Office. it just feels like so much for so little. just feeling again, like i can't quite find the point and it's getting tiring, just round and round the wheel.

a part of me thinks that i'll find hope and joy again in a relationship. i'll have a reason to pick up a treat at the bakery and to browse a stationery store so i can write cards, a partner to go bicycling with, and play monopoly deal with on cold nights. someone to plan adventures with, and have plans every weekend. but i also know that as much as i want that, i need to be okay without that. i can't depend that much on anyone. and it's been really hard to figure out why, otherwise. it's so much upkeep with no ultimate purpose or meaning.

i'm finding myself returning to some older patterns: looking for travel deals, asking if i can tag along with others' plans and families. looking for volunteer opportunities. just looking, just ... trying to find something to do, some meaningful way to spend my time. i'm having a hard time feeling good right now, and it's doubly frustrating because i really am actively fighting it.

i ate soondubu for breakfast and lunch today, and had a spinach/fruit smoothie for dinner. i might eat a few carrots with dip later. i was losing weight for a while but a few days of haagen dazs and leftovers had me gaining it back. i'm hoping i could keep it off, and lose more. i want to dress better, and bought a couple shirts online from banana republic, and i somehow calendared a shopping day with lana in a few weeks. i realized that i dress as if i don't care about myself, the world, or how i'm perceived by others, because i don't care about them either. my whole posture is one of not really caring about existence, and i think it's a bit defeatist. i feel invisible, so i act invisible. must work on this.

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17caratssi · 3 years ago

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Wonwoo AU! After us

It was a negative hunch you were feeling while being at work. Your daughter was falling sick yesterday but the hospital needed you due to the shortage of manpower.

How ironic. Being a doctor and having a child that is not your patient.

Since she was a newborn, she rarely visited the clinics. Her health was always the best and you were glad that your child is healthy. It was a dream that every parent wishes for their children.

Growing up, your daughter barely had any complaints. She was always strong for someone her age and sometimes you think if you would ever have equal courage if you were in her shoes.

You and Wonwoo separated when she was only three. It was definitely a difficult decision to make but inevitably, that was the only best option for the both of you.

Your husband was a singer and is still active in the industry. Marrying an idol wasn't easy at all. Irregular schedule and lack of intimate moments, therefore, drifted the couple away.

After the divorce, your former husband had met his daughter a few times but it had been 5 months since he last took the little one out.

When the weekend arrived, your daughter always cried for her daddy and whenever he picked up the call, all he did was give false promises.

She has always missed his daddy but Wonwoo was having a world tour with his band at the moment and usually, it will take them months to finish the performances. It was the only time she wanted something for herself.

Thinking about it just ignited a fury within you.

"Does he even think of his own child?!" you slammed the white desk in anger. Your front hair was suspended before your eyes as your fingers ran through your head messily.

You had a moment of silence. Your head lying immobile on the desk and you felt heat creeping up your eyes.

Then, there was a noise outside your tiny room indicating another doctor is coming inside. A minute later, the doorknob was twisted.

He came in alone after the nurse who walked along with him went off. He casually patted the edge of the swivel chair of yours and spoke.

"I'm beat!" he whined. He slumped on his chair and asked. "You've had dinner yet-" he was caught speechless when he turned his head to you. The red around your almond-shaped eyes had him concerned. He took a while to recover and eventually parted his lips again. He asked, "Y/N, are you alright?"

You jolted and woke up from the reverie.

"Yeah, sure," you replied in a low, cracked voice. You laughed afterwards.

The male doctor wasn't convinced with the answer as he observed your expression.

He didn't dare to probe further and realized that there was an incoming call on your phone. "Y/N, your phone," he pointed at the vibrating cellphone next to you.

"Thanks,"

"Calm down, okay?" he halted you and gently held your left shoulder. "Go take a breather, I'll cover for you," he continued. A grateful, lop-sided smile formed on your lips. You mouthed a 'thanks' and walked out.

"Hey mom, how's Yuna?" you tried your best to sound well to your mother. The background noise was familiar. There were many people there and surely they weren't at home.

"Mom? Are you there?"

A series of rapid, shaky breathing was heard. Unconsciously, it hastened your heartbeat and you can feel the weakness in your knees.

"Yuna- Yuna had a seizure. The ambulance has taken her to the hospital-"

Without listening more, you whispered. As if your soul left you, your voice sounded lifeless. "Which hospital?"

You were in the right mind to drive by yourself. You flagged a cab and gave him the location.

On the way, your finger scrambled to dial the number you had memorized by heart. The name appeared before you tapped on it.

It was late in the night but he might be in a country with the opposite hour. He could be performing, he could be sleeping, he could be doing anything he loves...

You inhaled deeply as you waited for the tune to stop and a human voice replaces it.

It didn't take long and his voice resonated over the speaker. You weren't crying when your daughter was crying in pain last night and instead, you cuddled her and comforted her. "Mummy is here, don't cry. I'm here for you,"

You didn't shed a single tear when the worried voice of your mother blared. However, his 'I was about to call you' broke all of your resolutions and you bawled right there and then.

"Yuna.. she's brought to the hospital. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. Yuna,"

He finally spoke after you completed your sentence. "I'm on the way to your house,"

"No, I'm not home. Just, just go to the hospital nearby my mother's,"

You could tell that he had stepped on the brake as the tires screeched on the road. You jumped forward in panic but was at ease when Wonwoo told you he was making a turn.

"You're not driving, are you?" he asked softly.

You sniffed two times and answered. "No. I don't think I can drive in this situation,"

"Okay, that's a relief," he sighed. At least you could still make a rational decision. "Y/N," he called your name once.

Wonwoo seemed rather emotionally composed than you are and it relaxed you.

You hummed to his call and let him speak. Wonwoo breathed in and out before he managed the words for you.

"Wait for me in the lobby and we'll go to your mother together. Can you do that?" he knew you. You were extremely distracted both mentally and emotionally and thus he wanted you to be as collected as you can before seeing your family.

You closed your eyes and followed after his actions earlier. "I can. I'll hang up now, drive safely,"

"Yeah,"

Wonwoo put down his phone after the call and focused on driving.

He was on the interval when he had a bad feeling. Yesterday, he received a call from your house's landline and luckily he was resting in the hotel room after the concert.

It was his daughter calling. While keeping a steady voice, she said over the phone so sweetly and ever so brightly.

"Daddy, I miss you. Daddy, do you miss Yuna too?"

Wonwoo sat up on the bed and looked to the window sorrowfully. Of course, he missed her dearly. Nothing can beat the feeling but he had another responsibility outside the house.

He smiled and responded to her. "Of course, sweetheart. Daddy misses you so so so so much," Wonwoo paused. He gulped the big lump in his throat and resumed. "Yuna, daddy loves you a lot but daddy is busy these days so when daddy comes home, we'll go out to play together with mummy. How's that sound?"

"OK!" the little girl cheered and coughed after making a huge action. "Yuna-"

"Daddy, mummy is coming to the living room. Yuna cannot talk anymore. Byebye, daddy!"

"Yuna-"

Tut.. tut.. tut...

"Don't get sick, sweetheart," was what he wanted to deliver but it was cut off and he didn't get to tell his daughter that.

That night, he didn't sleep soundly as he kept thinking of her. Even though it was common for kids to cough and all, this one time couldn't get off his mind.

Plus, she didn't ask him when he's coming home like usual.

There was something plaguing him and he immediately booked a ticket home. He has two days off before going to another country so he should be fine travelling home for a day.

As long as she's healthy, he'll be reassured.

"Y/N," Wonwoo jogged to your side the soon he saw you sitting on a bench in the lobby.

You stood up and looked at the face you hadn't caught sight of for a long period of time. "Have you eaten?" Wonwoo asked that the first thing. You nodded and he knew that you're not as calm as you appear to be.

Nonetheless, it was better than you agitating.

"Let's go," you opened your mouth and said the word you'd been anticipating to say.

Wonwoo agreed and you two headed to the emergency department. Before marrying Wonwoo and moving to the capital, you had worked in the hospital for a year and it was natural for you to recognize the direction.

When you had found your mother, you quickly asked which doctor was in-charge of your daughter. "Dr. Kim Mingyu. He is still inside,"

Learning that, you were ready to join him behind the curtain but Wonwoo pulled your wrist and made you face him.

"The doctor is taking care of her," he calmly said.

Somehow, that cause you to feel angry at him and therefore, you burst.

"What if someone taking care of her? I'm a doctor and I'm her mother, the one who gave birth to her. So it's fair for me to analyse her condition too!"

Wonwoo turned slightly to see your mother at the side and was unsure how to keep you down. "Mom, go take a rest in the waiting area. We'll be there later,"

Your mother was understanding. She didn't want to intervene in the conversation and excused herself.

When he returned to the original position, he was met with a fierce look of yours.

Unsatisfied, you pushed him and had his grasp loosened.

"You can make my mom leave but not me. Just go and accompany her while I watch over my daughter,"

Wonwoo wasn't done. He pulled you again, harder this time and said.

"Can you trust in someone else for once? He's a doctor and he will not harm our child,"

Trust. You haven't heard the word ever since you're married to him. He used to tell you to believe in his love for you and you did. But that was it.

You let a low, short chuckle. "I understand if you lack empathy but don't try to plant that in me. I've done the trusting before and just what good resulted from that?" you heaved a sigh and suppressed the raging emotions.

"Just go. Even if you stopped me from going in, I'll find a way to escape,"

Frustrated, Wonwoo rubbed his temple. He glared at you and opened his mouth. He couldn't guarantee what you are capable of doing. He has seen you in many situations but this time, it is unlikely for him to persuade you.

"Can you still think straight if you see your daughter in a pitiful condition?"

"Even if I can't think straight in front of her right now, at least I care about her! What about you? Do you even care about Yuna? Do you know that she's been sick? Do you know just how much pain she's bearing? Have you ever regarded yourself as her parent?!" you shouted at the end. Your eyes were fixated on his.

Your shouting attracted some people in the hallway and Wonwoo bowed as an apology which dispersed the tension for others.

"Let's talk outside," Wonwoo shifted first. Only three steps he took and you sneered behind without moving.

"You care what they perceive. Is your image that important?" you snapped but weakly. You adjusted your bag on your shoulder and said. "Just go back to your band. I can handle this much,"

Wonwoo just stood there silently. She had pulled the trigger but getting mad over you never crossed his mind.

He always told himself that he was to blame for everything. In the beginning, he insisted on having a baby to keep you less lonely at home and you gave in to that.

When the child was born, he has little time at home and the whole year, you raised the child alone. You had to stop working and move out of the town to be closer to his dorm.

You started to work again when the child was two years old. However, you had to pump the milk everywhere since you were still lactating. Working was the only thing that kept you alive during those days but you were getting busier. You rose earlier and set later than the sun.

But where was he? Perhaps, you were right.

Had he ever acted as a parent to the child and a husband to you? He forgot when the last time he saw you smile at him fondly. If the memories count, then it must be from the old days.

He was a coward. He could not give you a genuine home, family love and solicitude. He was all smoke and mirrors, he admitted that.

Now, everything between him and you had long ended.

"I'm sorry," Wonwoo was first to say after an extended silence. He didn't dare to look at you in the eyes because all the guilt he was carrying would not resolve with a single sorry.

"I was the one getting mad so I should apologize. I was on edge so please forgive me," you said monotonously.

'Forgive me' I don't know if I'm qualified to get that from you. I'm uncertain if I deserve to say 'I forgive you'

You left right after that. The trail of your clicking heels faded from Wonwoo's ears.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

If you like this story, you might as well check out the others here !

#wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #seventeen #seventeen wonwoo #wonwoo oneshot #wonwoo au #wonwoo angst #wonwoo husband #svt angst #kpop seventeen #kpop angst #seventeen imagine #kpop imagine #kpop

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nagipops · 4 years ago

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hii I love your blogs sooo much you're really talented (I just needed to say it sorry) so straight to the point, I already made 2 requests to you and I really enjoyed your writing so I would like to make another again. As I'm clueless about what to request I'll just ask for random hcs for konoha 11, idk if it's too much but if so then you can do with Neji (I love him so much), Kakashi and Naruto. Thank you in advance and sorry anything ^^

RANDOM KONOHA 11 HEADCANONS!

FEATURING: naruto, sakura, shikamaru, ino, choji, neji, rock lee, tenten, kiba, hinata, and shino

WARNINGS: mentions alcohol, drugs, food, bugs, and the tiniest nsfw mention if you get the joke. hehe

A/N: AHHHH ANONN this seriously made my day, im so so glad you enjoy my work!! 💖

NARUTO

you know how we all have “the chair”, where we throw all of our dirty clothes onto?

yeah, imagine that, but from the seat to the fricking ceiling

its just a GINORMOUS MOUND of clothes, you wonder how he even goes through that many clothes so quickly???

definitely shoves it under his bed whenever guests come over (somehow)

holds chopsticks really weirdly. but it works.

asked tenten to put his hair into space buns to mimic his sexy jutsu and went around flirting with the village

jiraiya was so proud of him T-T

comes up with the WORST pickup lines

they’re so bad, its almost charming. almost

has gone AWOL multiple times, disappearing from everywhere, just everywhere

it scared you a little, so you searched the entire village for him

you finally found him sitting on the ledge of a cliff, gazing out at the vast sea

concerned and panicked, you cried out to ask him what was wrong

he turned to you with a crestfallen, devastated look on his face and said,

“i bought shrimp ramen instead of chicken ramen.”

you’ve never searched for him after his disappearance ever again.

SAKURA

100% makes origami shurikens and chucks them at you

they are deathly precise and deathly sharp. seriously, how are these not illegal weapons yet???

writes threatening motivational notes to herself on the mirror

“u got this!” “make sure to smack naruto today!” “ino sucks!”

her backpack would always be way too high up on her back. idk why but. it would

does her hair all nice and pretty before she goes out but once she arrives to her destination SHE KEEP. TAKING. IT OUT. and redoing it over and over and over again

like it’s impossible to make eye contact with her because she’s holding a bobby pin between her teeth while braiding her hair

her guilty pleasure would be hostess treats

ding dongs are her favorite. don’t ask me how i know, i just know.

eats the yellow starbursts just to spite naruto and all her haters

loves small lap dogs, she think’s they’re so cute and cuddly

but she especially loves chihuahuas

they’re so feisty and naruto HATES them, so of course she had to go and get one for herself

dresses the poor dog up in little bonnets and jackets and ties its tiny fuzzy hairs into pigtails

she and the chihuahua are not that much unlike <3

SHIKAMARU

this man is a god at shogi but he absolutely SUCKSSSS at cup pong.

is this an ick? idk. but he is absolute trash at this game.

it gets even worse when he’s got a couple drinks in him

tries to calculate the velocity and acceleration and angle and shit but his shot is always a good two feet off BYE 😭

just mutters an “aw, shit” before awaiting his turn again

hates checkers, loves chess

“checkers is for WUSSIES” - shikamaru nara

i said this in another post, but he is Very Good at whistling

like that’s his hidden talent

can copy any tune with the perfect pitch and rhythm

speaking of, he can do really cool tricks with his tongue

like making a four leaf clover, touching the bridge of his nose with it, flipping it upside down, you name it

he has slanted, scrawled handwriting, to the point where it’s almost illegible

wbk he cheats in school SO OFTEN. but he never gets caught. he’s not stupid, he just couldn’t care less about his classes.

thinks weed and e-cigs are stupid, cigarettes are where it’s at

you just can’t replicate the feeling of taking a drag from a cig after a long, tiring day

plus he looks hella cool while doing it B)

INO

teaches the boyz™️ how to braid their hair

like they all gather in a circle around this feisty fashionista and fail attempt to braid their hair

sakura was just fuming in the sidelines

“OI, INO-PIG, THAT’S A DUTCH BRAID, NOT A FRENCH BRAID!!”

yeah, ino 🙄

the only one that can actually do it is neji because a) this man is talented af and b) he’s got the long hairrr

ino probably envies his thick, sleek hair because hE’S a bOy

also asks everyone for their blood type and zodiac signs and tells them if they’re compatible with her or not

and definitely judges you for your sign 😣

“oh, you’re a gemini? hmm, what a shame...”

makes bouquets for her favorite people and kin assigns everyone a flower

only assigns the pretty nice ones to the people she likes (sorry sakura, you’re out of luck)

one of her favorite hobbies is crafting! she’s really good with details and small things so she loves making those miniature dollhouses and stuff

also really good at watercoloring. especially painting flowers and landscapes

also i feel like she would be really good at playing any instrument because of her skilled hands

can play a badass flute solo. period.

CHOJI

would honestly rather die than get anywhere NEAR an asparagus

he just thinks they’re so gross and bitter and NOT SALTY

he always eats his yakiniku a little bit undercooked because he’s way too impatient to wait for it to cook fully. who do you think he is??

whenever he cloud gazes with shikamaru, when asked what he thinks a cloud looks like, he just says some sort of food

“oi, choji, what does that one look like to you?”

“a... yakiniku grill... with... pineapple rings on it! ooh, and a wagyu steak right there!”

he thinks pringles are an abomination to society. where’s the crisp? where’s the grease? where’s the saltiness?!!!

asks ino to teach him how to do his hair all fancy and the two of them devote an entire day learning different hairstyles

it’s his new favorite thing to do now :D

he really likes crayons!!!!

like he’ll write with them, draw with them, color with them, do everything with them

he’s even tried to eat them. he said they tasted good.

definitely had the 128 crayon pack WITH THE BUILT-IN SHARPENER, and everyone thought he was the coolest kid in town

he ate it UP, he even scored some bbq dates with the ladies

i also feel like he loves basketball, and he has a MEAN slam dunk

like his vertical isn’t that high, but the man can REACH

he loves when people laugh at him when he challenges them to a 1v1 and then proceeds to absolutely destroy them <3

NEJI

he seems like a cucumber kind of guy.

just cucumber

like i feel like he puts it in everything; soba, salads, sandwiches, his face, yeah

it’s mellow and cool, just like him!

speaking of, i feel like he lives for spa days and facials

it just lets him be alone in his little cucumber scented world for an hour or two and he gets damn clear skin from it as well

seriously he has PERFECT skin. flawless. not a single blemish. his cheeks feel like baby butts they’re so smooth.

i feel like he’d be a god at solving rubik’s cubes, don’t ask me why

like if anyone scrambled theirs on accident they would just take it to neji and he’d solve it in the blink of an eye

CAT PERSON!!! loves the little meow meows

who are we kidding, neji basically is a cat; agile, aloof, does silly things without trying to, very cute

he just feels akin to the little fuzzballs and he thinks petting cats are extremely therapeutic. good for the soul

he is a golf man. he would take his juniors golfing and everyone thinks he’s uncool. cmon neji let them go to the skate park at least T-T

also very good at karaoke, definitely surprised everyone once he got a few drinks in him since he started serenading you

LIGHTWEIGHT!!! do not get more than one shot of alcohol in him. he will go berserk.

i also feel like he’d really love photography; not taking pictures of people, but of nature

he loves taking a quiet stroll through a pretty forest and snapping pictures of all the unique flora and fauna

it’s so serene ︶ ‿ ︶

ROCK LEE

100% milly rocks everywhere

gai got in on it too once he asked what lee was doing

“is that what all the youthful cool kids do these days!”

they also dab together. a lot

DO NOT BE SEEN WITH THESE TWO!!! you are not associated with them.

definitely is the one breakdancing in the middle of the dance circle at a high school party

he’s mad skilled at it too

headspins and windmills galore

challenged naruto to a dance-off and completely OBLITERATED him

lee then asked if naruto wanted a rematch, this time with one hand tied behind lee’s back

naruto obliged, and he STILL lost

RIP naruto and his fangirls, they all scrambled to lee afterwards T-T

i feel like his favorite subject is science

not the boring physics equations and laws and theories but the fun EXPERIMENTS

definitely has singed all of his hair off one time and he went to gai blubbering to help him grow back his precious hair

but he loves experimenting with different combinations and chemicals to get different reactions each time

created a potent love potion and carried it around with him all day one day

and it was actually working

girls were flocking to him left and right, staring at his lips and his face

he was so abashed at the sudden attention

heck, it even worked on sakura

“oi, lee-san!”

“hehe, yes, sakura-san?”

her eyes shifted downwards to his lips and his heart thumped harder

“hey... lee-san?”

“what is it?”

“you have something on your lip. we’ve been trying to tell you all day but you just winked and blew kisses at us.”

legend has it lee has still not recovered to this day.

TENTEN

has THE prettiest handwriting. and she can write SUPER fast

it’s like a superpower

like she transcribed five pages of a report in less than two minutes with perfect handwriting

naruto is so jealous.

she is also super good at origami! those diligent, accurate hands aren’t just for throwing things

taught sakura how to make shurikens but does NOT endorse any violent uses of them

she can replicate all of her weapons with paper and they can actually function, it’s so cool

made paper kunai knives one day and the wholeee village wanted to get their hands on them

i feel like she’d listen to mitski. idk i just get those vibes

LOVES BIG DOGS!! especially fluffy wuffy samoyeds

like man’s best friend?? no, GIRL’S BEST FRIEND!!

hugs and cuddles and squishes all the big dogs

she thinks small dogs are spawns of satan

sakura and her have definitely quarreled over this

but at the end of the day, all dogs are adorable fur babies, so she lets it slide :,)

KIBA

kiba always looks SO GOOD in photos you take of him, candid or not

like you could just whip out a camera and snap a photo of him at any given moment and he would look perfect

you framed a picture of him yelling at akamaru for peeing inside the house

it’s pure artwork

i feel like he tries to swagger around with his hands shoved in his pockets but it fails MISERABLY and the girls are wondering if he broke his leg or something 😭

kiba just walk normally. for the love of god please just walk normally.

he tries to slump back in his chair really low but one time he slouched way too low so he slipped off of his chair and onto the ground LMFAOOOO

he just wallowed there... in shame...

also.. he LOVES when the girls put makeup on him!!

he tries to act like he hates it. but it secretly gives him so much confidence

not to mention the girls hyping him up are a huge ego boost

okay the inside of his jacket hood is the warmest. thing. EVER!!!

seriously, no wonder this dude is so happy-go-lucky all the time, he’s living in literal heaven 24/7

it’s like you’re sleeping on a cloud inside a warm, cozy bed during a cold winter morning

10/10 would recommend letting him give you his sweatshirt when you’re chillin with a hair tie ❤️

HINATA

always smells like lavender soap. always

also has the cutest pencil pouches with little puppy faces and kawaii things

oH and she has those mini yoobi highlighters, she thinks they’re so cute (and functional!)

everyone flocks to her to try them out and marvel at the cute tiny highlighters

and they try to steal them from her but she doesn’t even stop them because she’s too timid to 😭

naruto goes BALLISTIC over them

she lets him have all of them <3

tennis girl!!! tennis girl.

all of her opponents always underestimate her because she’s so timid and shy and quiet

but she has a KILLER serve

and then she takes her opponents to the slaughterhouse with a complete shutout ;)

she’s really athletic believe it or not, she can beat most of the boys in a mile run and she has incredible endurance

i feel like she really loves velvet scrunchies

she just thinks they’re so pretty and they keep her hair soft so they’re cute and functional

also takes the PRETTIEST notes!!

color codes, dividers, headers, you name it, it’s all super readable too its insane

everyone asks her for her notes, not to study but just to appreciate the pure artwork that it is ^w^

SHINO

shino is SO easy to prank

“how do you catch an eyemaster?” *cue naruto and kiba snickering*

“eyemaster bait. that is because—”

even when everyone’s laughing their asses off, he still continues to explain his answer since he does NOT GET THE JOKE

tried his hand at writing haikus

here’s his best one so far:

“Bugs are amazing. That is because they are bugs. Bugs are very nice.” - Shino Aburame

VERY proud of it, since it took him weeks to perfect

praise it, pls

had one of those ant farms and bug-catching kits as a kid

and he would fill the kit TO THE BRIM. LIKE IT WAS HEAVY BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY BUGS.

he loves the little chitters of the different bugs

he had jars of different bugs all lined up on a wall shelf in his room

collects silkworms off of trees and sticks them into his pockets (no i definitely did not do this as a kid...)

HELP I FEEL LIKE he would record a timelapse of his ant farm growing and upload it to youtube with a movie maker title screen that says

“my ants”

if you enjoyed this post, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) feel free to request here, and make sure to read the rules first! have a lovely day everyone <3

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dxncingwithastrxnger · 2 years ago

Text

Mileven AU WIP For WIP Wednesday!!!!

Hey, guys!!! I've been slowly working on this story for a few months. I took a break from it for a couple of months but just recently started working on it again. I know it's not much right now, but that's what a WIP is supposed to be, right?? First time I'm showing anyone this that isn't @obeymeh03 (yes, I'm tagging you, deal with it) so I'm curious what y'all think 👀👀 Lemme know, please!!! Any and all feedback is appreciated!! I know El isn't directly in what I have so far, but she's mentioned if you look closely 😌😌😌

×××××××××××××

Mike sighs as he shuts off the engine and slips out of the car, closing the driver's side door behind him. He locks it and slips the keys into his jeans pocket, walking right up to the front of the line for the club, ignoring the curses and exasperated looks people send him as he does. He flashes his ID to the bouncer and he's let in right away. Being best friends with the owners of the place has its perks, of course. He ducks through the door and heads straight to the bar first.

"Heeeeyyyy, Wheeler! Fancy seeing you here tonight. Honestly, I wasn't even sure if you were gonna show." Steve exclaims as he spots Mike, setting down the bottle he was holding and walking over.

"Hey, man. Sorry 'bout that, got caught up. Had a long shoot this afternoon and I slept too long afterwards. But I'm here now, no need to send out the search parties." Mike says as he grins at the bartender.

Steve grins right back. "Good to see you, man." He says, reaching into his pocket. "And, uh, that favor you asked me about?" He continues as he hands Mike a piece of paper. Mike takes it quickly, holding onto it as if it'll disappear if he isn't gripping it like his life depends on it.

"Shit, man, thank you so much for this. Seriously, you have no idea." Mike says gratefully.

Steve gives Mike a sad, knowing smile. "Yeah, I know, that's why I did it." Steve says sincerely.

The expression Steve is giving him starts to make Mike uncomfortable, hating the sympathy he sees in it. No, that's not for tonight. He clears his throat as he slips the paper into his pocket with his keys, that way he'll remember that he has it.

"Thanks, Steve. I think I'm gonna head up to the group. I'll see you up there, yeah?" Mike asks.

"Yeah, I'll definitely be there." Steve tells him as he gives a mock salute and then turns away to continue working.

Mike chuckles and shakes his head as he turns away, heading for the stairs leading up to the second floor of the place. He climbs up the transparent spiral staircase and heads to to the middle of the second floor, slipping past the curtains in the doorway of the room he knew the rest of the group would be in. He has eyes on him as soon as he enters and he grins.

"Mike Wheeler! My man, welcome! Glad you could finally make it. Though surprisingly, you're not the last one here." Dustin greets him as Mike rolls his eyes playfully.

"You say that as if I'm always late." Mike retorts.

Eddie snorts as he sets his beer down on the table. "Oh hush, little Mikey. We all know you avoid being on time like the plague."

Mike sighs, exasperated, as he slides into the booth next to the curly-haired man.

"Yeah, yeah. So who are we waiting on?" He asks, switching topics.

Suzie pipes up then. "Nancy and Robin, and Steve's gonna head up right before the clock strikes midnight. Well, Lucas and Max aren't here at the table, but they're downstairs mingling and waiting for Robin and Nancy to get here so that we can kick things off." She states.

"Oh, and I think Max mentioned some new friend of hers when they were up here earlier, so she might be coming as well." Chrissy told Mike.

Mike nods, grabbing one of the beers from the middle of the table. "Okay, cool. Hopefully everyone gets here soon, it's almost time." He says as he takes a drink, closing his eyes and relishing in the familiar taste.

"Yeah, man, we didn't all come here just to be late." Dustin says.

For a good few minutes, they all just talk and laugh and have a good time, catching each other up on the past week and watching as the clock ticks closer to midnight. At 11:57, the rest of their group arrives. Robin and Nancy enter the room first, Max and Lucas close behind.

"We're here, everybody, we're here!" Robin announces as her and Nancy grab chairs from a different table in the room and pull them close up to the table, taking a seat. Max and Lucas stay standing, still in the roles of gracious hosts, as always.

"Took you long enough!" Eddie exclaims, sliding two glass beer bottles towards Nancy and Robin as he does.

Nancy takes hold of hers as she rolls her eyes. "You know we were out of town, Eds. It's a long drive and we underestimated how long it would take." She tells him, leaning her head on Robin's shoulder.

××××××××××

This has also not been beta'd or proofread at all recently 💀💀💀

I'd also like to add that this story is very, very angsty and will be labeled as either mature or explicit, for many reasons, so if either of those aren't your thing, I'd highly recommend you not read this story. But you can make your own choices, of course! I'm just letting you know ahead of time!!

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tomhollandisabae · 3 years ago

Text

730 days - billy russo x reader | part 1

masterlist

series masterlist

fandom; the punisher

a/n; so, as a matter of fact that i'm leaving home to go to my uni, i'll try to write as many parts as i can while i'm still here, so that i'll be able to update when i'm away!

summary; billy kidnaps y/n and they're having a weird interaction at his apartment.

warnings; mature themes, mature language, angst, abduction, suggestive themes, mouth spitting, chocking (MINORS D.N.I / 18+)

words; 1.3k

Everything happened so fast! At the beginning you were waiting for a cab to take you home, after a girl’s night out drinking your ass off at some bar and then an expensive black car stops in front of you and in a matter of seconds strong arms are wrapping themselves around you and a hand presses a white cloth against your mouth. You didn’t get to do anything as you were unconscious in a couple of seconds.

The next day you woke up with a start. You had a huge headache and you were feeling nauseous. Opening your eyes you linger your eyes around the room and realized that you had no idea where you were. Could have been a one night stand? Was it any of your friend’s house? Did your father redecorate the whole place overnight? No, no and no!

Where the hell where you?

Suddenly the bedroom door opened and you couldn’t believe in your eyes, when you saw who walked in. billy fucking russo. Did you actually had a one night stand with your father’s colleague. Indeed he was hot, so hot that no one could resist this man and you sure as hell had a crush on him since the first day that you saw him. To be honest, you wouldn’t mind fucking him.

“good morning sleeping beauty” he smirked as he stood before you on the bed with his hands in his pockets, giving out some kind of power.

“b-billy” you exclaimed his name, as you tried to adjust your eyes to the light that was making its way through the open door.

“glad you’re up princess, breakfast waits for you downstairs” and with that he exited the room, leaving you behind while being pretty confused.

Then it all came back. Your friends, drinking with them, having the time of your life and then you waiting for a cad, but instead a black rolls Royce pulled up in front of you, a man came out and then… you gasped panicked. You had been kidnapped. What the hell?! Billy… he had kidnapped you. he… you felt yourself wanting to collapse at the memory, but you were better than that.

Furious, you made your way downstairs and tried to find billy in this big ass penthouse. You had searched for five minutes when you saw two big wooden doors and opened them without a second thought. Billy was sitting in front of his chair, while typing something away on his laptop. You walked like a mad man towards him and hit your hands on top of his workplace with a thud wanting to make him look at you, but he couldn’t seem to care less. That made you even angrier.

“what the fuck billy?” you yelled at him “what kind of a sick game is this, huh?” he didn’t even bother giving you just one glance as he kept on working.

You walked around his desk and turned his chair around so he would be looking at you not, in which you succeeded.

“what is it princess?” he asked calmly as he made himself more comfortable in his seat.

“wha… billy are fucking serious?” you hissed at him as your eyes narrowed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about princess” that ridiculously smirk made its way on his face again “didn’t you like breakfast?” he asked afterwards.

“you fucking piece of shit, do you think that it’s okay to go around kidnapping people in the middle of the night?” you said in a high pitched voice and he sighed.

“look y/n, I know that you have a lot of questions, but I have to work too so if y—“ you cut him off by slapping his cheek, thing which you regretted immediately as he sat up suddenly, wrapping one hand around your neck, chocking you.

However, instead of fright you were feeling a lot different. Billy was making you feel so weird. A rush of adrenaline made its way through your body as you felt yourself getting aroused. You were getting freaking aroused by being choked to death… but it was billy. Your eyes burned into his as he clenched his jaw.

“ya’re a little fucking spoiled brat, y/n, that wants to have everything in her life. That’s how daddy taught you to be anyways. While you’ll be staying here with me princess you’ll learn how to behave. I’ll make you my good little princess” he smirked as he tightened his hand around your throat.

You didn’t obey though. you spat in his face a dug your nails into the skin of his hand that was chocking you. you wanted to kiss him so bad right now. Billy snatched you closer to him and grabbed your jaw with his other hand making you open your mouth at him.

“don’t you fucking dare to spit on me again slut. The only one spitting here will be me” he leaned down so he was hovering slightly over you and while you mouth was still open he spit in it “now, swallow” you wanted to swallow so bad, feeling your panties being soaked by this moment, but you didn’t want to give in so easily. However, as you were about to spit back at him he placed his palm over your mouth and looked at you with a mischievous smirk “swallow” he instructed again and finally you obeyed “good girl” he said looking proudly at you “now how about you go and eat your breakfast sweetheart, before it gets cold?” he asked and you simply nodded.

You made your way into the kitchen with billy being hot on your heels. You sat down and just stared at your food. You had so many questions, but were too tired to try and get the answers out of him, so you asked just one thing, that you thought it was the most important one;

“why did you do it?” your voice was barely heard and billy came behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist while placing his chin on your shoulder, making you feel butterflies.

“you, princess, are a means to an end. Your father and i, you see, are not in such good terms… he owes me… something, so you’re just his little girl, that’s going to help him make him mad that even his princess betrayed him and slept with the enemy” he finished as he kissed your neck softly.

“but i…we didn’t…” you gulped.

“no princess. Unfortunately I didn’t fuck you, thing which I would gladly do, but one step at a time huh? The main target is to make your daddy pay for what he did to my buddy” he hissed in your ear and you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking how it would be to be fucked by him.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, relaxing in his touch, yet as soon as you did he pulled away.

“I have to go to work, make yourself at home princess. Your stuff are upstairs in the bedroom” he said “the entrance will be locked for as long as I will be at anvil, so if anything happens you call me right away, understood?” he asked looking at you intensely and you nodded “good girl” and with that he left, leaving you alone trying to proceed what had just happened.

part 2

#marvel #fanfic #imagines #netflix #billy russo #billy russo imagine #billy russo x reader #billy russo one shot #billy russo x y/n #billy russo x you #billy russo x female reader #the punisher

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moonprincemulti · 4 years ago

Note

hiii i love your work! so i recently realised that i think i��m trans ftm, and i was wondering if you could write something for an ftm reader with felix. it could be smut or fluff i don’t mind haha. but i was thinking something like, you had already come out before you met him, but you hadn’t really changed physically other than having kinda short hair cos you didn’t have money, so you were going to have top surgery after you already knew each other. like what would he be like with you before you’d had any surgery, what would he be like when you had to have it, and then afterwards. (i emphasise top surgery cos i don’t think i’ll take t at this point?) idk i just want to think about what he would be like when you’re feeling bad about yourself and dysphoric, and feeling like no one will like you cos of it. cos we all know lixie best boi 🥺🥺🥺 tysm!!

∘₊✧— You Are Valid —✧₊∘

- 13 Jun 2021

- I'm glad you love my work and yes ofcourse I can write this! Anything for my fellow ftm people :3

- We all know Felix is the very bestest boi and that he would love anybody no matter what

- this is written for a FTM reader! If this triggers you or if you have problems with it, either don't read it, or be open to people with different genders!

You had come out just a couple of months ago to your close friends and some members of your family. Until now you only had gotten positive reactions, but the idea of getting hate was still on your mind. Would somebody even love you for who you were? Your body was still not how you wanted it to be, and it made you dysphoric pretty regularly. You felt like nobody could love you.

And then you met him. Felix. Lee Felix. Ever since the first moment you two met, there was a spark that grew brighter and brighter the more you talked and got to know eachother. He had made the mistake to use the wrong pronouns at first, but when your friend had corrected him, he immediately apologized and used your correct pronouns without any problem. He never misgendered you after that, and that made you feel comfortable and accepted around him.

━━━━━━━━ ✤ ━━━━━━━━

When your fluttering butterflies turned into friendship and then into love, you couldn't stand to miss Felix. You always made excuses to be with eachother and to go on dates. Felix knew you were planning on getting top surgery, but he also know that money and waiting lists were big bumps in the road towards it. The more time you spend together, the easier he could recognise the moments you felt dysphoric.

If he spotted you in such a moment, he always tried to cheer you up. Making his cute sounds and small jokes, he usually could put a smile on your face within minutes. However, if the dysphoria was stronger and you would start to ask questions about your body, doubting if it was even good enough, Felix would know what to do. His gentle smile and soft touch made you look at him, and he would tell you that to him, it didn't matter what it looked like right now.

His touches would always avoid the parts of your body that you felt dysphoric about, and his sweet words made you calm down and forget about your worries. Felix would tell you you were valid over and over again, and if you burst out crying, he would keep you close. You were his everything, he wouldn't love you less for that little mistake nature made. His soft kisses would lul you into a relaxed state, and you would cuddle the bad feelings away.

━━━━━━━━ ✤ ━━━━━━━━

The day you finally got the call about your top surgery, Felix was right there. As you talked on the phone, Felix tried his best not to distract you while he was also clinging onto you to listen in on the conversation. When you put down the phone, he hugged you tightly as you both jumped up and down in excitement. After you two had calmed down a bit, he would make sure to be there on the day of the surgery, cancelling all his other plans.

The anxiety struck the moment when you were told to put on the hospital gown and lie down in the bed to get ready for anesthesia. Felix noticed it and held your hand, helping you with changing and staying close to you until the doctors came to get you. Did you make the right decision? Would this actually help to get rid of your dysphoria, or would you regret it later in life? As you told Felix your worries, he held your hand tightly. He then leaned in close, whispering soothing words into your ear. "You are valid. You've thought about this for so long, you'll be so happy and relieved once you wake back up. And I'll be right here, I won't leave you anymore."

Felix kept his promise. He was right there when you awoke from the medicine induced sleep, holding your hand as he watched your first reaction. He smiled as you smiled and cried happy tears. He couldn't hold back his tears then either, being incredibly proud of you. During your recovery Felix became your personal nurse. Making you as comfortable as possible, running around the house to get you what you needed and always checking if you were in any pain. Your love for him grew even more, and it was finally starting to sink in that he loved you unconditionally.

After the recovery, the moment Felix could put his hands on your bare flat chest, he couldn't stop smiling. He knew how happy it made you, and it made him happy too. He let his fingers trace the scars, not wanting to hurt you, but still admiring what you did to become yourself. As your eyes met, he hummed. "I love you." Felix then began placing soft kisses on your chest, loving you for you.

━━━━━━━━ ✤ ━━━━━━━━

You chuckled as you thought of something then. "Lix.. If I take T, would my voice become as low as yours?" Felix looked up and smiled. "I don't know. Maybe? If it'll become low, we can do a game of who can go the lowest." You smiled and nodded. "What if I beat you?" Felix gasped softly. "Beat me? Oh no.. you would have to take my place as a low tone rapper!" You both laughed, thinking about what could possibly happen if you decided to take T. But no matter what your choice would be, Felix would love you anyway.

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female-buckets · 3 years ago

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Buddy Blog with Bird & Dee

Throughout the 2007 WNBA Playoffs, they will continue to talk about anything and everything that comes to mind, all the while keeping each other up on how the other is doing in their travels and the march towards the Finals.

[Buddy Blog Chronicles part 2 under the cut] [read part 1 here]

Back On The Bus | Posted by Sue Bird on Monday, July 23, 2007, 1:02 p.m. ET

Sorry it's been so long since I've really written, but I was so busy with rehab that I had nothing left to give. Then I just saw you last week in Phoenix and we said everything we needed to say in person. But now it's time for an update. I'm stuck on a bus driving from New York to Washington and have nothing else to do...

We've actually never done this bus trip before. I'm glad we did it because the weather in the northeast is bad. Delays everywhere on all flights. It's about four hours long and we're just over two and half into it. I slept the first two and the only reason I woke up is because we stopped for bathroom break and food. Everyone else is eating and watching a movie, Perfect Stranger.

Did you watch Beckham's first game in L.A. this weekend? I was totally tuned-in and highly entertained. I watched the hour-long special beforehand. His house is ridiculous, like the ones from Laguna Beach with the pool overlooking the cliff. It's unbelieveable. He puts L.C.'s house to shame. And I feel bad for him, too. If it wasn't his first game, he probably wouldn't have played at all. Everyone was expecting all of these crazy things out of him but he only played for like 12 minutes. The amount of cameras following him was good and good for soccer. To see all of the famous people there was funny. But afterwards on ESPN's bottom ticker, they showed the score and said "David Beckham entered the game in the 75th minute (Did not score)." I was like, wow. That's rough. What were people expecting in 15 minutes? Sometimes people expect too much from these star athletes. Especially in soccer, you're not going to score every game.

Back In The Saddle

So the first time I practiced was last Monday, the 16th and I really didn't know what to expect. I went to practice and the trainer originally said no contact. We talked about it and I suggested going with it and seeing how I felt step-by-step. When drills first started, I did a couple and sat out a couple. As practice went on, I felt better and better and when it came time to do full-court five-on-five, I stayed in for that. Must have been beginner's luck because I was hitting every shot, passing well, playing defense and felt really comfortable. So when we played your guys the next day, I joked that if it had been Game Five of the WNBA Finals, I would have suited up. But, the doctors said two weeks and I had to stick to that timeline and waited.

This is actually the first time I've come missed time due to a procedure performed on the lower part of my body. I've never missed games for anything other than my broken nose and the difference with the nose is that you're wearing a mask and then not thinking about it. The knee is something you have to think about and be conscious of and do a mind-over-matter kind of approach. There were definitely times in the last two games back when I thought about it, but I just kept playing. If you're going to be tentative and think about it constantly, you're not going to enjoy yourself.

The hardest thing, really, is my conditioning and getting back into that comfort zone. I was doing pool work-outs, bike work-outs, pre-core work-outs and treadmill work-outs, but nothing can simulate a real, live game. And aside from my shooting woes, I feel pretty good. Hopefully I'll be ready to go the next time we play you guys. It was good being able to be there for the game last week and definitely for the event at Majerle's. You guys did a great job of setting up the event and anytime you can see Thunder Dan, it's a good thing. Just another excuse to have a good time with friends with all of the proceeds going to a good cause. Nice work on the attempted bartending, too. I think you and Lauren made like two drinks and then that was it. You guys should have waitressed. I don't think I'd be a very good waitress, though.

I Was Told There Would Be No Math

That reminds me, did I ever tell you about the time I worked in the food services industry? I've blogged about our house in Saratoga (Upstate New York) near the racetrack when I was younger, but I don't think I mentioned that I worked there, too. My dad's friend managed to the concession stands that sold all different things... the hot dogs, burgers, sodas, etc. They also had little carts scattered around the track and I spent one summer working a cart that sold chipwiches. I was maybe 14 years old. I got up every morning, set up the cart and sold chipwiches for the entire day (there were some other things like ice cream and sorbet bars), but the hardest thing about the job was the dry ice. If you spend all day reaching into the cart, you get burned. I had burns all over my arms. It was the worst. But it taught me some valuable lessons that I've taken with me through my life... like avoid dry ice at all costs.

I also had trouble making change, especially when I had to add up a few different things that cost like $2.25, $4.75 and $3.50 and someone gives you a $20 bill. I had to be quick on my feet and math was not my strong subject. I think you're like 10 times better at math than I am, at least with the easy stuff like addition and subtraction. Long division, I'm not so sure about. Still better than me. I need a calculator for everything.

I certainly don't keep track of my shooting percentages. It was easy when I was 0-for-6 yesterday, but I made the big shot when it counted in New York. The play was actually off of a jump ball, so it's not like it was called for me. Izi played great last night. She always does against New York. So we had a play set, Janell Burse set a back screen for Izi on a flare as the ball went up and Lauren tipped it to Izi. It was designed perfectly as I was sitting there watching it unfold. I was waiting for her to shoot it, chilling at the top of the key and she took a dribble, made a good read and found me. I had missed the shot before, so after I hit the final shot, I was telling people back down the floor that there was no way I was missing that shot twice. I'm glad it worked out for us.

Back to life on the road... Lauren is sitting behind me and wants to make a guest blog entry for you while I eat my food. Hold on...

Lauren's Cameo (Posted by Lauren Jackson on Monday, July 23, 2007, 1:12 p.m. ET )

Hey. How's it going? I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be talking about here but since this is to Dee, it really doesn't matter. I guess it's good that Sue is writing this blog and not me. It's good that she gets all of the attention, too. It's great. I'm not really an outgoing person. I'm a bit shy, really, so I think the fact that you two get all of the attention is brilliant. It's all in good fun, though.

Someone recently asked me if I had to choose one of you to play with for the rest of my career and only one of you, who would I choose. It was a horrible thing to ask and I answered it diplomatically. I couldn't say either but would say both. In addition to the All-Star Games, people may not know that I got to play with both of them in Russia together this past year. We have so much fun together. When we're overseas, it's just fun. We live together and play together. We're going to be doing it again for another six months. There is always a smile on our faces. No drama. Easy-going. I've never had a little group like this, people who I rely on for everything so it's nice.

Diana makes everyone laugh, Sue is the planner who gets us out and I'm the one who wants to stay at home. Then Sue tells me we're going out and Diana's like We're going out. So I say okay and go along with it. Don't leave me behind. So I just didn't want to feel left out. Here's Sue again. Thanks. Bye.

Last Thing

It's me again... Still eating but wanted to say one more thing. Lately, all that fans want to know is how come you didn't rock the ponytail like you waid you would? Where is the ponytail? I've been giving you the benefit of the doubt... maybe she'll pull it out later in the season, she still has time, etc. So now don't make both of us look bad now.

Two Weeks To Go | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Tuesday, August 7, 2007, 3:45 p.m. PT

I realize it has been like years since I last wrote and that's my fault. Starting now, you're going to get daily updates. No, not daily, hourly. At the very least, weekly. Or monthly. Either way, I'm on board. But this Blog is going to be amazing because we have so much to catch up on. We've been on the road for the past ten days, which hasn't been easy. But thanks to my teammate, Kelly Mazzante, for keeping everyone informed during our road trip. Have you been reading?

Since I last wrote, we actually clinched a spot in the Playoffs. That's a big achievement for our team. We still have five or six games to go, which is always interesting when you clinch this early. But I'd rather be in this position than where we were in the last three years where it comes down to another team winning or losing. I'm happy for what we have done, but this is truly just the tip of the iceberg for us. Home court is now the goal and it really is so important. It's so hard to win in Sacramento, Seattle and San Antonio so whichever team gets the homecourt advantage really does have... the advantage.

Even though we've clinched, I wouldn't say the pressure is off of us. Yes, there was that monkey on our backs that we hadn't made the Playoffs, but eight teams make the Playoffs. Going deep into the postseason is something that is definitely in our sites and pretty realistic. This team is talented enough to make a lot of noise. If things finished right now as is, we'd play you guys. Phoenix vs. Seattle in the first round. But do I care who we play? Nah. Whatever team it is, it is. We can't really be concetrating too much on anyone else at this point. We want to finish the season strong and be playing our best basketball as the season ends. I'm sure it's the same for you guys. And if it happens, we'll have more to write about.

Home Sweet Home

We are currently in Los Angeles where the X-Games are wrapping up. I'm not sure how they got all of the dirt out of Staples Center, but I was just there for shootaround and you would never know the difference (unlike going into an arena after the circus has just left town). I actually used to go to the X-Games when I lived out here when I was in high school. Did you see the skateboarder who fell and his shoes popped off? That was some crazy shi... stuff. Those guys are amazing.

L.A. is where I grew up, you know. Last night I went back to Chino and spent the night in my house and got to see my family. It's nice being back in familiar territory. It's no Syosset, but it's still fun. You have that bagel place but we have the best donuts in the world. Oooh. Mama's Donuts. Mama's Donuts will knock anything else out of the ballpark when it comes to breakfast. Aww yeah. It's the bomb. They had this sugared donut that I grew up on. We used to hang out at this place all the time because it was open 24 hours. Nothing beats a donut at 2 a.m.

Speaking of donuts, I have NOT seen the Simpson's movie so everyone needs to stop talking about it. I heard it's funny and I'm a big fan, but we know that's what Russia is for. Rome second season just came out today and I'm going to go buy that and put it away, I'm also going to get Big Love and then I'll be ready to go overseas. In four months. Maybe I'll go early. It's always good to show up to work early and they do pay me a lot of money so I have to go.

Also in L.A... It's Beckham Mania! I love that guy. He's doing great things for the sport even if he hasn't played much yet. People here love not only the sport, but also how big of a celebrity you are and that's what it's all about. He has made such a big impact already. Look at the coverage soccer is getting!

What It's All About: The Stats

I was driving down Rodeo Drive with Ilene from Nike, Lindsay Kawaggga and Cappie when I heard that I was Player of the Week. It was a big moment in my life. Do you get a trophy for Player of the Week? It's nice, though.

I do think Lauren has the scoring race wrapped up. Scoring and putting up big numbers just happens when you get into a groove. It's something I don't even think about and it just happens. At least that was what happened when I won it last year. I was in such a zone, and that's what Lauren has been in all year long. Someone told me I'd need to average 52 points per game over the last two weeks to win it. I could probably do it if they don't foul me out. 50 is definitely realistic. I know you led the league in assists a couple of times, but leading the league in scoring is much tougher. If I concentrated 40 minutes on passing the ball, I could easily get five assists. Actually, passing is a lost art in this league, something that only a few like you, Lindsay Whalen, Ticha and a few others do well.

At this point, though, the scoring title means absolutely nothing to me. It was fool's gold for me last year and I realize that if it takes an individual that much work, the team may not be better for it. The thing about our team this season is that we have all five starters averaging in double figures. I don't know when that has happened in the WNBA, but it can't be too often. I'll tell you what, though. I am averaging a career-best in blocks per game. That's something I've always tried to do in college. I'll bet I'm like Top Ten all time in blocks at UConn. I used to foul out a lot and Coach Auriemma used to hate it. I just like to play aggressive and this year I've just found myself in some good spots. And I'm bringing them down. I block shots like Dikembe Mutombo.

Things To Close With

I've been busy these past few days with Shark Week. Is there anything better? I've been watching since I was in Fourth Grade. Amazing stuff. I was talking to my brother-in-law last night about swimming with sharks. I want to do it. You can actually go shark diving in San Diego where you go down 35 feet and swim with great whites. That's a rush that I would love to do. They're just sharks. I'm a person. Actually, I probably won't be doing it anytime soon.

I see you're back on track, playing well again. Every time you see us, you have a heck of a game. 111 points on Sunday against us. Thanks for that. How come no one brings up the fact that you gave up 101 points, though? Lol. You won the game, but what's the difference if you win 51-50? I guess people do like the scoring. It's what the league needs more of. I think the league has made some good rule changes and it's paying off and we're seeing things go in the right direction. And I will serve on the Competition Committee, if called upon. If anyone's listening or reading...

I was also reading that Sheryl and Tina are considering retiring. We'll see. I'm telling you, the minute Sheryl is healthy, she is one of the best players in the world. Hands down. I see her going out with a good year. Tina, too.

The ponytail... I might still pull it out for the Playoffs. Why not? I'll just throw that out there. It's something that the people want. I know you also want a guest blogger. Penny's in her room right now, so another time.

So I have some friends coming into town later this week to hang out and I'm just excited to see a lot of friends and family at the game who I haven't seen in awhile. I'll see you down the road, too, at some point. Maybe sooner rather than later. Until then...

P.S. - Remember you have to call Ben about our vacay. Special plans. Gonna be huge...

Relaxed and Ready | Posted by Sue Bird on Friday, August 17, 2007, 9:12 a.m. PT

It's Friday morning here in Seattle. Our last regular season game is tonight at home against the Sparks. It's an interesting day for everybody.

From a basketball standpoint, it's going to be a relaxed and fun game, but a game that we want to win. We really just want to play well. Even though there are no playoff implications on the line for either team, it will still be a competitive game. For us, much like you guys in your remaining games, we want to end on a good note with some momentum, feeling good about how we're playing. The Playoffs will mark a new season for us. It is a time in which anything can happen. We can let go of what has happened in the regular season because, to some degree, we have underachieved. But the Playoffs can tell the story for the year. People will forget about our disappointing regular season.

On the other side of things, a lot of media around here is asking us about how it feels that this may be our last regular season game at KeyArena, or in Seattle? You know, not until this last home game did I even think about it or even mention it. Even when we've talked, you and I, or some other friends, it isn't anything that really came up. So this is the first time I've thought about it. I'm sure a lot of fans are feeling uncertain as well. It would be sad if that was the situation, this being our last game, but you never know what's going to happen in the future, so we'll see.

Would I Rather...?

At this point, we just have to do it. Hopefully when the lights are on and it's a big game, everybody will show up and we will be on the same page. I don't think there are any words that can be said or drills we can do in practice. It's just one of those times now where we have to play and play well. We have to show up. A lot of people are asking me who I'd rather play in the first round... you guys in Phoenix or San Antonio. To be honest, I don't have a preference. The top seed is still being decided and I wish you the best of luck. It really would be a huge accomplishment if you were to get first in the West. I know it's just the regular season, but it still says something.

We've had better luck against the Mercury this season, while losing all four games we've played against the Silver Stars. But you can look at it either way. If I said we wanted to play Phoenix because we've already beaten you two out of three games, that doesn't mean anything in the Playoffs. Or I could say we'd rather play San Antonio because the law of averages says we're due. Does that really matter? Whoever we get, we get. It's actually nice to have been locked into a seed for the past week. We've been at home relaxing, knowing we're hosting the first game on our court. As for who we're playing, I guess we'll find out in a few days. Regardless, we're looking at one of the two best teams in the West and we'll have to go through one or both of you to get to the Finals. Doesn't matter who is first.

I won't do any trash talking now... that will commence once we know who we're playing.

LJ FOR MVP

My M.V.P, vote would definitely go for Lauren and making her case is not that hard. I know people will think I'm biased, but it's not about that. It will likely come down to Becky and Lauren, don't you agree? I have so much repsect for Becky's game as a point guard. Generall speaking, point guard's numbers aren't something that stick out. But Becky has both the leadership thing going as well as the numbers. She's top three in scoring and has led the league in assists pretty much all season. She's had a great year, taking over team that didn't do as well last year. I know they've added another pieces, but Becky is what makes them go.

But... come on. Look at what Lauren has done this year. She leads the league in scoring, rebounding, blocks, double-doubles, has a 47-point game. She'll probably get Defensive Player of the Year. As great as any other player is in the WNBA, if I were starting a team, Lauren is my top pick. You'd be up there, Tamika, Becky, all these great players. But here's what separates her. No one else sees double- and triple-teams every single night and continue to average 20+ points, 10+ rebounds, etc. That has always been my point and case for her. I'm sure Lisa Leslie faced the same thing, but that's what makes an M.V.P. Seriously, just to drive this home, the one night this season Lauren did not get doubled, she got 47 points.

And any time we don't have Lauren, it's a struggle for our team.

Coming Together As a Team

Last night was a fun night for us as a team. We've been home for awhile and tonight's our last game. With Wendy Palmer's parents in town, they wanted to cook for us. Her mom is actually an amazing, amazing cook. Some of the apartments that my teammates live in are kind of small, not that mine is much bigger (you've seen it), but she asked if I could host everyone and I was like, sure. I was the host, Wendy's mom was the chef and we had pretty much everyone over. A couple of people couldn't make it but it was fun. We had the New York-Washington game on NBA TV and everyone was eating their "soul food." We had mac-and-cheese, pork chops, ribs, chicken casserole, pound cake for dessert and some banana pudding. We tore it up.

And then, of course, we finished off the night with a little Guitar Hero. Some of the older crowd left, but I have to admit, Izi was killing it. For her first time, the Brazilian has some moves on the guitar. It was fun to just hang out and we have a team that really likes each other and gets along so it was good to come together...

Now I'm off to shootaround, so we'll talk next week. We might have some interesting things to discuss... Good luck this weekend.

It's Destiny | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Monday, August 20, 2007, 5:38 p.m. PT

Monday night, four days until the first game... I've been waiting all weekend to write this baby.

Isn't it destiny that this is the matchup after we've been blogging like this all year long? But I'm excited for it. Our whole team is really excited. Four years of no Playoffs and we finally broke through this year. We're going in playing well, too, so that's what I'm most excited about. And this is what fans wanted, right?

There are a lot of good individual matchups in our series, don't you think? With any series, you know what you're going to get out of the starters, which is why I think the bench is so important. That's why we've been playing so well, because my teammates off the bench have really been productive. I think that's actually going to be the key to our series. Both team have good people in those roles... I like our chances with Mazzante, Snell and Schumacher. Our bench is pretty strong.

To win, we're going to have to play our best basketball. Having won at other levels, I know that it's the teams that really go out there and take the game from the first minute to the 40th minute. That's what we're going to have to do to beat you. I'm not falling for the whole 1-4 seed thing or the difference in records. Please. The Seattle Storm are a championship team that still has been there and won it. You've done it. It's fair to say we've been in a lot of big things in my basketball career. Final Fours, USA Basketball, All-Star Games... but this is the biggest thing we've ever gone against each other in, I think.

Keeping It Real

Today we had the day off and I just did some chores around the house. I made myself unreachable, laid around the house, did my laundry, washed the dishes and just scrubbed down my dinner table. Keeps me busy. Tomorrow we have practice and then get into Seattle on Thursday early afternoon. We may actually practice early in the morning here. I know it's going to be exciting for everyone involved. It's going to be intense in Seattle, I'm sure, because you have a great crowd. I think the last game we played in Sacramento was probably the closest playoff atmosphere I've been in since I got to this league so this will be different.

So I know this is the playoffs and we're fighting to win championship, but we should still get together, get some sushi. I do want to see you and Lauren and Ashley Robinson, my old old friend since 8th grade. People kept asking me too if we'd rather play another team since we did lose a couple of times to the Storm already, but you know what? Not really because to me, you guys are amazing basketball players. I always feel like to win a championship, you have to go through the best. We have a lot of respect for the Seattle Storm. We know we'll have to play really well to win.

Let Our Play Do The Talking

People are going to expect the smack, the trash talk this week. You know what, though. We really don't trash talk that much. You don't really talk that much on the court at all. The last time we played you in Seattle, I tried to talk to you and you wouldn't give me the time of day so I'm done talking to you on the court. But I don't really talk that much smack. People think I do, but I don't. I only talk to my teammates, never the other team. I will say I'm a little loud on the court, but I think I'm really just misunderstood. Lol. I'm just having fun. This is basketball. It's a game. If you can't have fun playing, then you shouldn't be out there.

It's funny how this all plays out. We spend so much time together and probably even more time talking when we're not together. Teammates and opponents. If I had a choice, I'd obviously rather play on your team than against you. I'm not at all ashamed to say that Sue Bird is an amazing basketball player and really does know the game better than anyone I know. I've learned a lot from you on the court. But it is fun playing against you because you are such a competitor. Beating you is fun, too, when we can. Keep playing hard and keep wanting to win because you are my hero, Sue Bird.

Oh, and I hope you got your Sidekick working again. That's always a good excuse for not calling people back.

Predictions

Well obviously I want us to win. That's for sure. But I see this as a very competitive series. Every game will be close. The team that makes the most plays is obviously going to win. I say Mercury in three... our fans deserve to see as many playoff games as they can since they haven't done so in nine years or something like that.

We played Sacramento yesterday and the game obviously didn't mean anything from a standings perspective or seeds, but our fans were so appreciative and had a sellout. It felt so good going into the playoffs knowing that we have their support. The city of Phoenix just loves basketball, so let's give them a good show.

Loser Buys Dinner | Posted by Sue Bird on Tuesday, August 21, 2007, 3:30 p.m. PT

Isn't that a great picture of us on WNBA.com? It looks like we're playing Battleship.

Anyway, I just got back from the grocery store and picked up some essentials, milk and orange juice. I know we're heading on the road this weekend, but I ran out.

I read your Blog from yesterday and, yeah, this series really will be all about who shows up. You can talk about who's more talented and who has the better team on paper all day, but it's about who comes to play as a team. It's going to be an interesting series. I do think this is the first time we've met when it mattered. Regular season is one thing but the Playoffs are a whole different ballgame.

I touched upon this a bit the last time I wrote, but I don't think much changed when we knew for sure that you and the Mercury were the opponent in the first round. It doesn't really matter who you play or when you play them because, as you said, in order to win, you have to go through the best teams at some point. Right now, you guys are the best in the West so it'll be a good series. Regardless of what happened in the regular season, I don't think about it at all. I don't think anyone should at this point. The WNBA is too good and all of the teams are too good to base it on previous performances.

Advantages and Disadvantages

The media today was asking us about playing you guys... number one in the West, three All-Stars, but the one thing they said you didn't have is playoff experience. But you know what? I think you've played in enough big games, Penny led Australia to a gold medal at the World Championships last year and Cappie played in a lot of big games in college as well. I understand that it wasn't necessarily the WNBA Playoffs, but I told them that everyone on your team has been in enough big games. So I don't necessarily see experience as our advantage. Hopefully it will be, though. Only one way to find out.

The three-game format for the first two rounds doesn't necessarily let the higher seed establish home court advantage. In Russia, we play three-game series as ome-away-home formats. That is a home court advantage. But when you play away-home-home as the better seed, the travel makes tougher for that team. Phoenix has to travel to Seattle for Game One, which is tough, then turn right back around and fly back again. We've been home for more than a week. That's where you lose your advantage. I understand that the next two games are back at home, but you end up traveling more, which makes it a disadvantage. Think about it.

Now... I'm not saying we can tire you our because I think you may be in the best shape of any team in the league. At least from what I've heard about your practices. You run a lot. So tiring you out will not be our game plan. The reason why I think we've matched up well with you well is because we like to run and score as well. But teams playing against the Mercury really need to pick and choose when to run and when not to. We don't want to get caught up in your game or style because that's how you beat teams. By outscoring them. I just know it's not going to be easy.

Matching Up

The last couple of times our teams have played, you've played a zone... then when Lauren got hot, we saw a box-and-one. You were that one lucky lady who got to guard Lauren, following her everywhere. It's an interesting match-up, whoever guards Lauren, because she gets double- and triple-teamed so frequently. I wonder if you'll still stay on her in that box-and-one. I do think that you guys are a very tough team to match up with on defense. We don't have a very big backcourt. Izi is probably 5-11, I'm 5-9 and Betty is probably like 5-7. It's you, Kelly Miller and Cappie. Cappie may not be tall, but she's strong, which makes up for it.

We're in a situation where that first game is really important for us. We're at home. Of course, I'll tell you how we have to win that first game, but I know we won the first game in each of the past two years and ended up losing the series both times. So what do I know? Of course, winning that first game helps. It's the one game we have on our home court and we really play much better at home than we do on the road. I think that's true for every team.

So it will be important to get our crowd into it early and get this thing going. Then we'll head back to Phoenix and see what happens. I think the regular season does a good job of preparing for the quick turnaround of games. At this point, everyone is used to traveling and playing a lot of games in a short period of time. The stakes are just higher. I hope it's a good series. Two good teams, though we've kind of underachieved a bit this season. Hopefully we can put it together at the right time.

Talking About Talking

I do remember you trying to talk to me last game. I don't even know what it was, but I did not pay attention, you're right. It was something stupid. I remember what it was. You were asking me about Russia and I told you I'd talk to you later about it. And yeah, you're not the kind of person who will be like "You can't guard me." I try to explain to people that you actually try and have conversations when we're out there. You think you're the number one conversationalist in the world and will talk to anyone. But that's just who you are. Loud and out there. I wouldn't go far as misunderstood, but it's fun.

The thing about you when you play, you're always having a good time. One of the most competitive people ever, but always have fun and that's why you can play your best. It's when you're not having fun, that's when we see the arguing and the other antics. No other players can make you made, but it's just the way the game is going or sometimes the refs. There are a few people in this world, and I think Lauren also falls into this category, where the madder they get, the better the play and the more focused you get. And I think you're one of them, too. Not many people can play well when the emotions are running high, but I definitely see that in you and Lauren. I'm not like that. I try and control it, but when I get mad, I'm not as focused and am thinking about other things.

But enough about basketball, because everyone else is going to be talking about this for the next couple of days... I just sat down with my turkey and cheese sandwich and juice, freshly bought from Safeway, and turn the television on, and what's on HBO? The best movie ever, Prime, with Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep. Remember I made you watch this movie like 100 times? I think it may be the greatest movie ever. It's a chick flic, but we are chicks. I know you hate it. Ironic, don't you think?

The only thing I will say that even resembles trash talking is that, as usual, the loser has to buy dinner. The same rule stands. The dinner's won't change, I know they won't...

Of course... I'm sure I'll talk to you between now and the game.

Adjusting Ourselves | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Saturday, August 25, 2007, 4:11 p.m. PT

Saturday afternoon, just landed and got back to Phoenix after a late night in Seattle. We had to be up early for the 9 o'clock bus, but there was no practice. We went to the airport, flew here, I stopped at Wendy's on my way home and now I'm in my house eating a taco salad. Wendy's taco salad is the best.

So you're probably wondering what I thought of the game last night. When we rebound, we do a pretty good job of getting out and running. We rebounded well last night and set the pace. That sets a tone of the game. You know, people talk about how we can put up big numbers and are so offensive-minded. But just because we give up a lot of point does not mean we're not a good defensive team. The way we play, there are going to be more shots and more opportunities for another team to score. At the fast tempo we like to go at, there are more possessions for both teams. But I don't think we care about being underappreciated on defense. We're not trying to get anyone's respect but our coaches, our teammates and our fans. We're confident in what we do.

Winning on the road was great for us because we went in, worked hard and just grinded it out. The mindset of our team is a good one. We treat every game the same and the playoffs are no different.

The Post-Game Meal

After the game, a bunch of us went to dinner, as you know since you were there... got some sushi. That's our go-to. But nice to see Ashley, Lauren, Barb Turner who was also in town... so that was nice. But it's cool that we don't have to talk about the game. The game is the game. I do everything in those 40 minutes, but once its over, I can't really do much to affect the game anymore so I don't even talk about it at all.

I know Coach Auriemma would be proud. I know he reads our blog and wants to get in a guest appearance on here. He's down at his beach house in the Jersey Shore and he got NBA TV there just so he could watch our game last night. I think the Auriemma family enjoyed watching all of the Huskies that were in attendance last night, though I know he was obviously rooting for you. It is no secret that he likes Sue Bird more than he likes Diana Taurasi. But I did get him more shine and he hasn't won since I left. The proof is in the pudding. He must look great right now, though, sporting a tan like the good ol' Mediterranean Sicilian that he is.

Excuse me for a second. I have a little bit of cheese stuck in my throat.

There, that's better.

Game Two

Teams make adjustments in the playoffs. That's what happens. I expect you guys to come back out and give us another hard game. The Seattle Storm are still a dangerous team. We just have to be ready for those adjustments and guard against your desperation. We'll make some adjustments, too, of course.

This series is far from over. That's why it's a three-game series and we still have a lot of work to do. I haven't been able to watch any other games in the postseason so far because of our practice and travel schedule, but I know that every team that won the first game then lost Game Two today and those series are tied. That's a lesson for us right there. And with all the lopsided scores, I will just say that it's tough when you travel, it's tough to play your best but on any given night, any team can win. That's why this league is so exciting.

We're about 24 hours away from Game Two, it's an afternoon game here in Phoenix, but that doesn't really affect the routine at all. We still have shootaround in the morning, we'll get to the gym, rest up, take a nap and just get to the arena a little bit earlier. Tonight for the rest of the night I'm just going to chill. I might have some family coming into town tonight or tomorrow morning so I'm just going to shut it down a bit, watch some television, read up some of the other players' blogs and chill.

I thought about seeing Superbad, the new movie, because one of my teammates saw it and gave it rave reviews. It's a bit raunchy (which is my middle name) and not for kids, but we gotta wait to watch it on DVD. I'll wait for you if you wait for me.

One + One + One = Three?

We have a great staff, from selling tickets and energizing the city to making sure we're taken care of. Every staff member is a part of the Phoenix Mercury and the Phoenix Suns and we all take pride in that. We traveled with a banner that demonstrates their appreciation for us and it has become our mission. One city, one team, one goal. It was great to have it in the lockerroom in Seattle and gave us a bit of a home feeling on the road.

Someone actually told me something that was quite perceptive. One city, one team, one goal. One plus one plus one equals three. And that's pretty self-explanatory - three being a special number for me. But I don't think that was by design to fire me up. It was probably designed to mean one plus one plus one equals one. One championship. Lol.

And ultimately... one goal, one life, one death. That still equals three. I like it.

A Time For Reflection | Posted by Sue Bird on Wednesday, August 29, 2007, 10:01 a.m. PT

So you probably thought the blog might stop just because I'm done playing, but you thought wrong. I'm IN at least until we head off to Chile together for USA Basketball and then go to Russia. Doesn't make much sense to write each other when we're roommates. Maybe we just get a webcam for our place there and broadcast live 24-7. Or maybe not...

It has been a few days now since the end of our season (thanks to you) and I have had some time to reflect and think about things. Whether a season ends with a championship or with a loss, there is always this anti-climactic feeling that comes with it all being over. I know you can totally relate to this, but you go from having all of these little things to think about, travel and practices and preparing for the next opponent, what you need to do in the game and what to eat, what time to sleep, small things... to nothing on your mind at all. Nowhere to be, nothing to do. All of my teammates are starting to leave town. This is the roughest time of the year, especially when we finished the season the way we did.

Bottom line is you guys are a very good team. I know we got swept and I don't think we played our best basketball in those two games, but when a team plays as well as the Mercury did and are as good as you are, you have to come to terms with it. There's a reason why you were the number one seed and we were fourth. You played like it. We definitely gave you a run there in the second game but just came up short. Not just this season but the past three really, we have been good enough to make the playoffs but not advance past the first round. The culmination of these three years is really getting to me now (though we did win a championship in Russia and I do count that).

Of course, there were highlights in the series as well as the season overall, but for the most part, everyone is disappointed with how it ended. I just hope that we'll be able to be back in Seattle next year. We'll find out soon. Now that the season is over, I definitely have been thinking about it a lot more. I think it's only natural to reflect at times like this, but we always think about how we'll get 'em next year. And we don't know if there is going to be a next year. There are also a lot of players whose contract situations are not yet determined, myself included, and Janel Burse, Betty Lennox, Wendy Palmer. We don't have that many players signed and the uncertainty of where we're going to be plays a role in their decisions.

It is a weird feeling, and more so because I live in Seattle. My whole life could be totally different in a year, but hopefully that's not the case. We really have a good thing going with this franchise. And you are certainly someone who knows this as well. Whenever you come to play here, you always talk about how loud and great the fans are. The support they give us is truly amazing and I would put them against any franchise's fans around the league as the very best. So a lot of emotions going on, but for the most part, just going to think about things I can control.

USA Basketball training starts September 7 as we get ready for Olympic qualifying. I have about a week to take care of things and I will be busy. On Friday, I have a photoshoot with Kevin Durant to be on the cover of American Way, the magazine for American Airlines. That'll be cool since a lot of people fly and a lot of people read those magazines. So they'll see my ugly face and Kevin Durant. After that, I'm heading to Las Vegas to visit my dad. Vegas, baby. Vegas. I haven't ever been there to visit him and he's been there for a long time. I have to go check him out, but he has a pool so this will be my weekend getaway. Then I head back to New York on Monday, spend a few days there with family and friends and get ready for training camp all over again.

Hopefully you will not be there for that. You always have to cheer for the team that knocked you out. You never want to lose to a team that loses in the next round. So I am now officially a Phoenix Mercury fan. Though if you play against Detroit, I'll be rooting for Swin, too. I will say that, as a spectator, these playoffs have been amazing. I don't always get to watch games because I'm so busy, but I have really enjoyed watching these games. Whether overtime game, thrilling endings or great players playing great... look at the New York-Detroit series. The defending champions are stacked with talent taking on a team that no one thought would do anything this year. But here they are going down to the final moment of Game 3 on Detroit's court. Even though we got swept, that series is proof that 1 vs. 4 seeds mean nothing and anyone can beat anyone on any given night. But the Indiana-Connecticut series was, by far, the best. I was pulling my hair out watching Game 3 in that one. At least in my career, this playoffs has been the best to watch.

As far as the final four that remain, I think it's going to be... Phoenix against... I want to say Detroit. But the Shock cannot play the way they did in the first round and think they are going to advance. Bill Laimbeer is probably all over them for it, but I think Indy will be ready for them. I think a Detroit-Phoenix Finals will be tough and go four or five games. I see the Mercury pulling it out, too. I know Detroit beat you guys in the regular season, but that doesn't matter now. The way you are playing right now, it's hard to stop offensively. The only thing to do is keep up and score, but even that is a tall order for any other team right now. It's easy to tell you really enjoy playing with each other and the city is behind you.

I think this is your year.

By the way, this week's sign that the apocalypse is upon us... Donnie Wahlberg talking sports on ESPN2's morning show.

Good luck and I'll catch up with you later,

It Wasn't Easy, But We Got Here | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Thursday, August 30, 2007, 12:50 p.m. PT

We're ready to go. Finally settled in San Antonio with the big game tonight, but let me tell you something. The past 24 hours have been a major pain in my you-know-where... just a terrible travel day.

We met at 7 o'clock in the morning to go to the airport for a 9 a.m. flight. So we're on the plane looking around thinking, "Man, there's a lot of weird looking people on this plane. So when we land, we find out that San Antonio is hosting the Narcotics Anonymous annual convention and we are here with thousands of recovering addicts. I wish them the best.

So we arrived in San Antonio, but our bags didn't. Only about half the team's bags even showed up. Not mine, not Penny's, not Schuey's, not Corey Gaines'... it's a mess. We're bagless. We went to the gym anyway to meet with the media, but we couldn't practice. We didn't even have our shoes. I was thinking about what would happen if our uniforms didn't show up, maybe we'd play shirts and skins. Hey Sue, do you remember the one year at Connecticut when they lost our uniforms and we had to play a game on ESPN with our practice jerseys?

But my night didn't really get any better from that point. I end up falling asleep around 12:30 after a good dinner, deep REM mode there for a bit, only to be woken up at 2:30 by a knock on the door. It's the bellman with my bag, finally. So I'm happy it's here, but not happy to be awake. So I finally get back to sleep, but then my phone rings at 5 o'clock. It's my wake-up call that I had scheduled for 10 a.m. I tried to explain that I really wanted it five hours later. But then at 8:30, I hear drilling outside my door and find out that they're taking apart a door frame across the hall. Are you kidding me with this ruckus?

It's a good thing that I don't believe in omens. But I should have believed in Ambien.

So where are you again, fishing in Lake Minnetonka? No, Las Vegas will be nice. Have a good time with your dad. I've had an early vacation the last three years, so I won't say I'm jealous that you're relaxing and resting right now. I think I can suck it up for another two weeks and then come hang out with you.

We have Game 1 tonight against the Silver Stars. We're excited and ready but know it's going to be tough. They have been playing great basketball so we have to match that tonight. I'm not sure what people are saying or writing about at this point because this us the first year where I haven't read anything or paid attention at all to the web sites or anything like that. I'm just focused on one thing now, and that's winning. In the meantime, I'm just listening to my music hard night now. I've been concentrating on a couple of bands like Enigma, Massive Attack... a lot of trip-hop. I'm tripping and hopping everywhere. Just focused.

The beauty of our team is that we keep on sticking to what we do and don't really focus too much on the other team. If you spend too much time on the opponent, you forget to do what it is that you do well. Make sense? Coach reminds us what we've been doing all year and tells us to stick with it. If we're good enough to win, we will. If not, we'll go home. But I'm not ready for that.

Let's go!

At The Finals: Day One | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Tuesday, September 4, 2007, 7:08 p.m. ET

So we made it to Detroit… finally. Nothing like a five-hour flight and an hour-and-a-half bus ride the day before a game, but hey, that’s basketball. We didn’t even check into the hotel when we got here. We went straight from the airport to the Palace. We got there around 6:20 ET… too bad we were supposed to be there for media at 5:30. Oh well. Got to catch Nancy Lieberman shooting around as we walked onto the floor, she’s still got the stroke. Linda Cohn was shooting too, but we won’t talk about that.

We met with the media and answered a lot of questions about our style of play and what will happen if the fast break slows down and we have to play in the half court. But I think we’ve learned to win games like that this year. No matter what, the last four minutes of the game, we want to take care of possessions, too. If there are two or three minutes left, we can slow it down and go to stuff that we’re good at, which really means us just getting out of Cappie’s way.

But we can’t change the way we play now that we’re in the Finals. That’s what got us here. They play the way they play, and we play the way we play, so it’s going to come down to who can control the pace.

I'm guessing you heard about Catch by now? I just heard about her tearing her Achilles and needing surgery. All I could say when I heard it was “wow.” I was stunned. Especially because on that play it really didn’t seem like much happened, but I guess that’s how it happens sometimes. But you knew it was serious because you never see her cry or stay down. Even on that play she was still trying to call timeout. Then she tried to go back out there for the jump ball. I was like, “She’s a monster!” Going to Chile for USA Basketball without Catch is going to be tough.

So, who do you have in this series? I know you picked us to win after we knocked you out so I hope you're sticking with it... I know Detroit beat us both times we played this season, but that was like a month and a half ago. The game at home we played without Cappie and we lost that game in the last 20 seconds. The game here in Detroit, we played a good first half and then the second half they just went off and had an amazing game.

I don’t think we were half as good back then as we are now. We’ve put it all together. Our mindset has changed tremendously. After we got back from All-Star, we got together in the locker room and realized that this season is really up to what we want to do with it. We have some strong individuals and some strong personalities that had to mesh, and once they did that the things on the court started working out.

We really don’t worry much about how we played them a couple months ago. They’re a different team, we’re a different team. We can’t concentrate on what they do. They’re world champions for a reason and we’re trying to get there, but we’re going to try to go about it a different way.

You know in anything you do that you always want to play against the best. I think that’s the only way you become a better player, a better team, so it seems right that we’re playing Detroit, because they are the most dominant team in the field.

Still, we’re coming in here to win just as much as they are. We’re playing on the road, it’s the first time in the Finals for most of us and it’s definitely an experience for us, but once you throw that ball up, it’s 40 minutes of basketball. We’re not going to be nervous. We’re excited. If anything, we’re anxious to get the series underway.

Even though we haven’t been in the Finals before, we have people with a lot of experience. Kelly Miller has been in the playoffs three or four times, Tangela Smith went deep into the playoffs with Sacramento, Cappie played in big games when she was at Rutgers and Penny played with Australia in the Olympics. The big-game scenario isn’t going to rattle us. We just have to go out there and play good basketball. That’s how you win games: by making plays and doing it for 40 minutes.

We’ve got our work cut out for us, though. When you play Detroit, the boards are huge. That’s the first thing you think of about Detroit: they’re so big and they go after offensive and defensive rebounds like no other team in the league. That’s what makes them so hard to beat. Rebounding is kind of our Achilles heel, but when we do rebound well, we cause problems for other teams. It’s going to be a test of our will against theirs.

And we’ve got to win at least one at their place. We’ve won a couple road games in the playoffs and I think once you do it one time, it gives you a feeling that you can go into someone else’s gym and be ultra-focused like we had to be to go into San Antonio and Seattle and win tough games. That gives us a little confidence now that we can come in here and win a game or two.

You know there’s a certain feeling you get when you walk into a gym and there’s 20,000 people rooting against you. How much do you want to win in that setting? I think that’s when your true character really comes out.

So, you’ve been here before, what advice do you have for me in my first Finals? I was looking at what LeBron did this year in his first Finals. A lot of people said LeBron was shaky in the Finals, but I think he had a great series. He was poised. If there is one thing I can take from him is how poised he was, no matter what happened. You’re going to go through some difficult stuff when you’re playing against the league’s best, but he kept his composure as well as I’ve seen anyone do it.

Well enough about me and the Finals… what’s up with you? I know you’re getting ready to train with USA Basketball. You’ll be playing five-on-five at four o’clock in the morning – ooh wee – yeah, I think I’d rather be here trying to win a championship, which you have already. Swin has two already, so Swin doesn’t need any more either. Really, Swin, how many is enough?

Did you see Ann playing on Monday for Indiana? She played really well. Swin was great Monday also, especially after not playing up to her potential in Game 2. You have to love Swin’s perseverance, but she’s always been like that.

Swin’s mom is throwing a barbeque on Thursday and I’ll be there. Wish you could be here for that. Anyway, have fun at USA training, say hi to everyone for me. I’ll be here, eating at Morton’s Steakhouse, trying to win a WNBA Championship. I’m going to have dinner with Dan Orlovsky, my man from the Detroit Lions, he’s a good friend from Connecticut. He used to jock me, but I never gave him the time of day. He’s a third-string quarterback in Detroit, but I liked the wide receivers.

Responding After Game 1 | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Thursday, September 6, 2007, 3:50 p.m. ET

I didn't sleep so well last night. Actually, I don't think I slept much at all. Whenever you play a game like I did last night, you find yourself replaying it over in your mind, remembering things that you did wrong and the things that did work. So I was up until like 4:30, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Even though I didn't sleep much, I feel great. I got plenty of rest. Rest is a state of mind and sleep is the cousin of death, so I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead.

But we're not dead yet. This was just one game. This isn't the NCAA Tournament where you lose one game and you start crying. This is a long series that will see adjustments, corrections and us responding the next day and proving that we're meant to be here. So that's the plan for Saturday.

Last night was a tough game, but like the great Ashley Valley said, "you can't cry now, the milk already spilled. There's milk on the floor, but you just have to clean it up." So we'll be ready to play.

We didn't go too hard today, just went over a few things in practice and broke a sweat. We also did some film work, nothing too serious. There will be adjustments that we'll make on zone adjustments and shifts that we're going to make a little bit better.

After practice, we came back to the hotel and are chilling out. I'll probably go shopping a little bit later, hit up Neiman Marcus and Saks. Shopping therapy is always good after a loss. You know I'm a t-shirt freak. Nice Collective, Hub Clothing, Huey, Juicy... I like doing it on my own or with teammates. It's not like I have a personal shopper, though having Jen Lacy around so I don't need one. And shopping in Detroit is good because it gives you something to do. There's not much else... you can't sit in the hotel all day.

Swin also invited me over to her house today. She's having a little barbeque with her family, cooking and watching opening night of the football season. So that'll be nice. Colts and Saints. So I might check that out and get to hang out with Swin away from the game. Then tomorrow we practice again and just lay low. Get a movie at the hotel or go see "Ball of Fury," the new ping pong movie. You know I love me my table tennis. And you know I finished with like a 102-3 record in Russia, so don't go thinking you're better than me, I know you've said that before. I'm unstoppable.

Oh, so our team has a thing that we're doing, all wearing black nail polish. It's to go along with our whole "Fade to Black" theme. We're trying to fade into black this year and win it all. Actually, I always do black and everyone decided to copy me. But you won't see it on me unless you know where to look. The people probably won't see it on television, but I'm wearing the black nail polish on my toes right now. My toes were done by Jing Ling on Scottsdale and Camelback. She's an amazing woman. Believe it or not, I see her about every other week. I don't really like the stuff on my fingers, though. It's too distracting when I'm playing. I just take care of them myself. I have clean hands.

Sue, good luck in practice tomorrow. That should be fun.

There, I'm blogged out.

New York and the U.S. of A | Posted by Sue Bird on Friday, September 7, 2007, 11:23 p.m. ET

So while you've been keeping youself busy, figured I might as well let you know what I've been up to.

I'm back in New York and glad to be home.

Naturally I watched Game 1 and it's been a great match-up so far, but for me it's always hard to watch. Both Detroit and Phoenix have been doing a great job and I expect this series to continue to be an entertaining one.

So Game 1... What is up with the fouls? I know we already talked about this, but the minute that game ended, I was watching with my mom and I told her that you're going to have like 50 in the next game. I just know it. I know your going to bounce back. But you have to watch out for those fouls, dude. They are calling fouls, so why are you sticking your hand in there? Katie Feenstra is like 6-8, you are not going to block her. I could hear Coach Auriemma screaming at the TV all the way from Connecticut.

It was a great game, otherwise. I know you only had 22 minutes, which is tough for one of the best players in the world, but it was still a four point game with under two minutes to go. Penny was a monster, as usual. Cappie played great and I know Phoenix can play a much better game. But you do have to give credit to Detroit. It is because of them that Phoenix struggled a little but offensively at times. And, of course, their inside play. Wow, even without Cheryl Ford they were able to really bring it. Kara Braxton had a great game and Katie Feenstra as well. But Plenette is just so good. You know what you are going to get from Katie Smith and Deanna Nolan and Swin. I just can't wait for to Game 2 tomorrow.

So since the season ended, I did make it to Vegas to visit my dad and then I came back to New York. I have been here since Monday, so I went home to Syosset for those five days, just hanging out, seeing my friends, obviously seeing my mom and just catching up. I really have been doing nothing. I have been enjoying my mom's cooking and just hanging out. I hit up the Greek place, "It's Greek To Me." It's all about the Greek place with the best Gyros. And of course, the best bagel place. I like to pump up my hometown food. I think it is the best and Dee, you can second me on that.

Otherwise, I have just been resting, worked out a couple times and am back in New York City with the U.S. Team.

USA Basketball is going well so far after one practice tonight. We miss all those guys that are playing in the Finals and wish them the best. Also miss a lot of the other regular who aren't here, like Catch. I know how hard she is going to work to get back to full strength and know she'll be better than ever. We wish they were here, though. But it's been good. It was only the first day and we just ran through some things and are starting to put our defense in. We put our offense in, nothing crazy. I am sure it is going to get harder and harder as we go along.

I am looking forward to having you join me on the U.S. Team here. People don't realize how much fun it is to play together and it has been a while since we've played together.

The last thing I'll say is that the young players here on this team are very good. Candace Parker is an exceptional player and you can go down the list from there. Courtney Paris, Sylvia Fowles, Candice Wiggins... It is really cool to hang out and meet those guys and to play with them. I'm telling you, they are great. I don't think there were players around like that when I was in college. They come in here and they have fresh legs and they are wide eyed. It is fun. Although they are starting to make me feel old.

Reminder, my birthday is in a month. Note to Dee: good gift.

And yes, I am excited to go back to Connecticut with the U.S. Team next week. We are playing against a great Australian team, so it will be good to get some practice in against the defending World Champions. I am sure a lot of UConn fans and a bunch of our friends will come out to the game and just want to hang. It will good to see all those people, as well.

So keep on working, good luck in Game 2 and I'll save a seat for you on the bus here.

Mission Semi-Accomplished | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Saturday, September 8, 2007, 6:58 p.m. ET

Just winding down now after a nice day of basketball. A good win, a fun press conference and now we have a win in our column.

We are really glad to have gotten the split, but I'm not going to say this is "Mission Accomplished." We wouldn't want to say that prematurely, now would we, and we know that this is just the first win. We need three wins. "Mission Accomplished" will be getting those three wins. So this is "Mission Somewhat-Accomplished." Or "Mission Semi-Accomplished." Or even "Mission On-the-Road-to-Being-Accomplished."

Pick one and go with it.

But you always want to get one on the road. It's just huge for us. The win tonight was great and it felt nice to be able to stay out on the court, but I come into every game with the same mindset. To be aggressive and let the flow come to me. Sometimes you get into a game like the one today and you're feeling it and others where you're in foul trouble and it's a nasty mess. It happens.

It's funny because after I picked up my second foul tonight, I was like, "Here we go again." I looked over to Corey Gaines and he was just like "Don't reach." He has a great relationship with all of us, so when he said that to me, it was just calming and kept me in the game.

So I'm just happy for our team. I feel like we crossed that bridge. No matter what you say coming into the Finals, and you can say that you're not nervous, but until you get that first win in your first Finals, it's a new experience for everyone. And maybe we played like newcomers in that first game. Tonight I thought we played more like we have been in the last couple of months.

Next game is Tuesday, I think. We will probably have the day off tomorrow since Coach is good like that. I have to get him some new shoes, so it's good that we'll have some free time to do that. Then we'll get back on the practice court on Monday morning. Back to work like the rest of the world on Monday morning. We're not going to look at it like we need to win both games. We're just going to worry about Game 3. We want to win that and then worry about Game 4.

Consider this my invitation the entire city of Phoenix to come to the game. I want every Phoenician there ready to go. The crowds have been great for us all season long and that's what makes it a homecourt advantage. The volume, the energy and what they do for us cannot go unappreciated by any of us.

I like the city of Detroit, it's a nice little place. It has been a beautiful five days here even though it has been raining. I'm ready for the Detroit reign and the Detroit rain to end. And I really do not want to have to come back here for a Game 5. But if we have to come back, we'll come back. I'd rather head to Philly and hang out with the Bird and my USA teammates. I just hope we didn't wake up a sleeping giant in the Detroit Shock. They're going to come to Phoenix and be ready to go. Without a doubt. And we just have to concentrate on each other, what's gotten us to this point and what has made us so successful.

So we have tonight to relax, which I'll do as soon as I finish up writing this Blog, actually :). We're not leaving to go home until tomorrow, so we'll hang out, grab some dinner and rest up. That's the nice thing about early games is that we get to take care of business early and then have the night to ourselves. I'm ready to go home and sleep in my bed and in my home, what I call the "Cluttered Cluster." I like it messy. The clutter makes me feel comfortable. Even though I have a maid who comes in once a week.

Bloggity Blogging | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Monday, September 10, 2007, 8:44 p.m. PT

Well hello, friends and fans reading along on WNBA.com. Welcome back to Phoenix where it is a balmy 104 degrees today. Sue, how's that rain in New York treating you?

So tomorrow is Game 3 here in Phoenix and we're all ready. We had a good practice today, did some shooting drills and our regular stuff. That Kelly Mazzante is one good shooter, let me tell you.

But being home is nice for another reason. When we landed yesterday, it was great because there were like 30 or 40 people waiting for us at the airport. I love our fans. It was crazy. It was nice to see the fans, and you know they know everything, our fans. The got out flight info on the internet, probably checked out the WNBA.com Blog that was writing live from the airplane. I think they also have our email addresses, phone numbers and My Space pages covered, too.

So we got back into town, chilled out for a little bit and I had my typical off-day meal, the burrito. I love me my Chipotle, I'm a huge burrito fan. Then I went on a bit of a TV tour with my PR man, Vince and hit up all the stations to talk about the game. Then I finally got to see Balls of Fury, which was fun-ny. It was unbelieveable, let me tell you. It's a great movie. Loved it. Caught the end of the VMA's last night, though it was terrible. It's a joke.

Kanye is always awesome, though, and he was putting on a show out there at The Palms. Wish I was there. I actually had the new Kanye playing on in the lockerroom during practice. Bootleg! I got it for free because I have DJ's who have sources who know DJ's with sources who have it covered. I know he's got his big duel planned and I like Fifty, but I'm a big Kanye fan.

I'm hoping we have some local celebrity representation in the crowd tomorrow night. I expect them to be here, definitely a few Suns players like Stevie Nash and I know Amare is getting back from vacation and will be there. And even my boy, Matty Leinart (the second best looking guy named Matt in Phoenix this week behind my web man, Matty Wurst). So hopefully we'll have a nice little crowd there.

So this one's for Sue. In honor of the great Sandy Koufax's decision not to play in the World Series on Yom Kippur, I considered skipping Game 4 of the WNBA Finals for Rosh Hashannah. I gave up my Jewish beliefs last Monday so it won't affect me. But Sue, I think you should honor your heritage and sit out of Thursday's USA practice. Just say no to Anne Donovan

First Blog of The New Year | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Wednesday, September 12, 2007, 4:51 p.m. PT

Happy New Year, Shoshana Birdinsky!

As I'm writing this, I realize that this could be my last Blog of the season. But it's not going to be the last Blog of the season. We're going to do this until we die. I said it after Game 1 and I'm saying it again. We're not dead yet. We've come too far to die now. But like that night after the first game, I didn't sleep well. I went out to dinner with some friends after the game, but it just didn't sit right. The game, I mean. Not the dinner.

This morning I was feeling a little anxious, feeling ready to get back out and play. Everyone got to practice a little bit pissed off at each other knowing we let one get away. We played hard and tough, but we just didn't make plays. I'm still a little bit miffed from the game last night. Despite the missed shots, I thought we played well. We rebounded well and played hard.

We had opportunities last night and just didn't take advantage of them. And that hurts, especially in a series against a really good team. In playing like they did and coming back after a loss, they showed why they are the defending champions last night. I think it's possible to learn things from other teams and hopefully we can learn from them. Sometimes the other team just makes plays and that's what happened last night.

We didn't shoot the ball particularly well from the free throw line, which is disappointing because we were the best team from the line all year. But sometimes you make them and sometimes you don't. Tomorrow we had better make them or we'll be going home. Or staying home.

We are two competitive teams who are going toe-to-toe. It's going to come down to who makes the plays in the last two minutes. But we have to get rid of those feeling and come tomorrow REALLY ready to play.

So tomorrow is the first game we've had to play in the Playoffs where we're facing elimination. But I think we've been tested enough. We have been tested all year in different ways with people being out and other circumstances. So there is no doubt as to how we're going to respond. No sense of nervous, tentativeness or anything like that. We're going to go full-force like we've done all year.

We've got about 27 hours or so until game time and I'm going to do what I usually do. Finish this Blog, go tanning for ten minutes, get another burrito from Chipotle, watch a movie, chill out, text, IM and then come back for shootaround tomorrow at 9 a.m. ready to go. That's my plan. I might watch some game film, but I'm going to lay low, put on some piano classicals that I downloaded on iTunes. I pay for it all, I'm on the up and up. Legal in most ways, at least.

So I'll write again on Friday on my way to the airport or from Detroit Rock City. I cannot wait to go back there. Troy, here we come, baby. Big Beaver!

One Win Away. Seriously. One Win. | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Thursday, September 13, 2007, 9:11 p.m. PT

Things are finally quieting down around here so I figured I'd steal a moment before heading to Detroit. Boy, that feels good to say. Going back to Detroit for Game 5. But I love this time in the arena when people are nearly all gone except the fans waiting for autographs, ushers looking for sleeping children in the seats like on the day camp bus and our families and friends waiting patiently for us. It's amazing that just an hour or two ago, this place was packed and rocking.

What a game tonight. It was emotional and hard-fought. Even though Penny and Tan had tough nights, we were never really worried about anything and we never felt any extra pressure or anything like that. They were playing well, just not making shots. They were working their tails off on the other end and we really wanted to stop Detroit on the defensive end and we have some momentum to build on. Sometimes you have good nights, sometimes you have bad nights.

But we have to get the Game 4 high out of our system as soon as possible. It really didn't mean anything. It now just means we have a chance to play for it all. That's what we have to concentrate on.

When the ball left Pee Wee's hands on that last shot, to be honest, I didn't even see the ball once it left her hands. I got pretty close to her but fell back to the ground to eliminate any possibility of the refs calling a foul. I didn't want to touch her, I didn't want to go near her so I didn't see the ball go off the rim. You know those people who have been near death and see that little bit of white light? Well that was sort of what I felt like. I kind of saw the entire season, all that we had worked for, all that we have accomplished, pass before my eyes. It was like my "Six Feet Under" moment.

I just heard the crowd and knew it was all over and all good.

So right now I'm finishing up here, waiting for some people to get ready, then I'm going to shut down and go have some dinner with Coach Auriemma, his wife and some friends. Maybe Penny and Gil will come along, too. They're in town so rarely, so it will be nice to show them around. As long as he's paying, though. And I'm going to be sure to ask Geno what he's been saying about me on the air. He was probably killing me, but I love him. He's one of the great people in my life who has really helped me.

So on to to Detroit. We are back on a plane tomorrow morning, returning to the D. I'll tell you, winning Game 2 and knowing that we can win in their building will really give us a lift and a confidence that we can beat them. We know we can go in there and play well. We'll see.

It might just be the biggest game of my career. One game to win it all, I have been in that situation before. This one is going to be ultra-physical, ultra-intense. So I'd say it will be the biggest game of my career.

And I'm ready for it.

WHOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!. | Posted by Diana Taurasi on Sunday, September 16, 2007, 8:41 p.m. ET

Let me just start off by saying...

Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I really don't have much time as we've already been at the arena for a few hours since the game ended doing pictures and talking with the media, and, oh yeah, CELEBRATING! But this Blog has been my baby all year and I'm not missing this last chance to do it now.

The Blog Finale! I love it.

Through everything, thick and thin, through diamonds and coal, we did everything we could to win. People doubted the running game, they doubted Small Ball, they doubted the Rover defense and we say YES to all of the naysayers, doubters and haters. We did it.

We are Phoenix. We run-and-gun, we shoot the three and we win championships.

This is the culmination of it all and it is a beautiful thing. Tonight we made beautiful music with beautiful people.

It's been a great trip and I loved almost every second of it. Back in the middle of the season when we were struggling we put the pressure on ourselves and this feels amazing. And I know the Sonics have a lot of money, but I think Paul Westhead should stick around and be the highest paid WNBA coach in the history of the league. He deserves it.

So to all of the Blog fans out there, thanks for reading all season long and I love you so much. To the Phoenix fans, some of you who we got to celebrate with tonight and the rest of you to whom we are bringing home the trophy, I cannot wait to share this with you.

Next year, back-to-back sounds good to me.

And to my blogging partner and my good friend Sue Bird, I'll see you in Chile. I got the ring, BABY!

#sue bird #diana taurasi #wnba #seattle storm #phoenix mercury #lauren jackson #penny taylor #cappie pondexter #swin cash #detroit shock #wospo #uconn huskies

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atalho-s · 4 years ago

Text

Light Up The Dark

Part 2 | We are accidents waiting to happen

pairing: bartender!tom x famous!reader

warnings: smut +18 miniors dni, swear words?, drinking, let me know if anything else!

words: 5.0 k

a/n: english it’s not my first language, so i’m sorry for any mistake! I don’t have a taglist yet, but if you want to be tagged in the next chapters let me know!!

PART 2 if you want to read part 1 click here!

It was already Saturday. The day Y/n took for herself. Writing was extraordinary, but she loved having a day off to take care of herself. She spent the day doing things she enjoyed, whether it was lying in bed watching a movie or trying to cook something.

After the fateful day of writer's block she started writing like crazy, so she didn't feel guilty about taking a day off without thinking about her characters and how they would get out of the challenges she had created for them.

The fateful day. For some reason she kept thinking about that damned Brit with that accent. For a moment she'd been scared that she'd been seen by paparazzi hanging out with the mysterious bartender, or even some picture of him leaving her apartment. But nothing came out in the news on the gossip sites, which made her relieved.

As much as she deserved to have fun once in a while and wasn't doing anything wrong, she still didn't want to bring attention to herself and even less to a guy who wasn't even famous. She was afraid to put anyone who wasn't famous in the media. Fear that one day suddenly, this person might be persecuted because of her.

Anyway, it had just been a crazy night. Nothing much. And she didn't intend to see him again. So she had nothing to worry about.

Sitting down in the kitchen counter with her familiar cup of coffee she got lost in some thoughts. Why hadn't she stopped thinking about him ever since? It had been a great night, but that was all. She didn't even know him well.

Maybe it was because her creative block had been broken after being with him. But obviously it was just a coincidence. She had just felt inspired after a distraction.

She shook his head away from the thoughts and placed the cup in the sink. She took a deep breath and thought about what to do next. But before she could think of anything else her cell phone started ringing on the counter. She was almost jump by the sudden sound, seeing the screen indicating that it was Milla, her agent, who had become one of her best friends.

- Hi Mil! - she said after sliding the screen.

- Good morning baby. - she said on the other end of the line. - Ready for the party?

- Party? What a party? - Y/n asked confused starting to wash the small amount ofdishes she had soiled.

- How you don't know? I thought I sent you the invitation on your email and I even sent you a message!

- Bestie, I haven't seen my email or message for days. I was super focused on the book, my writer's block finally went away.

- Really? I knew that would go away! You were worried for nothing. What did you do to go back to writing? - Milla asked and Y/n smiled a little.

- Well... I just went out to chill out a bit...Nothing much.

- Y/n getting out on weekdays? And even on the days you're writing a book? That's what I call grow. - she said and Y/n rolled her eyes laughing. - I'm even afraid to invite you to parties, because I know when you're writing you hate to go out... But it's good to know that you're getting out of your routine a little...

- Yeah, sometimes it's good to breathe new air. - Y/n replied drying his hands on a towel. - But what party are you talking about?

- A party of none other than Emma Brown. - Y/n snorted. Emma Brown was a great actress who to tell the truth she didn't know much, she only knew her from a couple of her movies, but other than that she didn't know much about her.

But what she did know was that she had some also famous friends of questionable taste. They were those famous people who only knew about money, women, cars and mansions. But she was tipped for a theatrical adaptation of one of her books and she wanted everything to come out perfect. She was very afraid the movie would end up ruining her work.

- Do I really have to go? - She asked in a tearful voice.

- Yes you have! It's going to be a really fancy birthday party for her, all the famous people in the industry are going to be there. You know you have to socialize with these people. Who knows, you can make some important friendships...

- Milla... I don't know... I don't need important friendships. I don't need anyone to stand up or approach others for interest.

- I know you don't need anyone for that... I just meant that you're very isolated, you need to make connections, understand? I know it's hard because you hate all that fame and stuff. But if you want the adaptation of your story to be good, there's no way... Besides, one of the great directors you left me on the list to research will be there too. So it would be really cool to kill two birds with one stone. - Milla said and Y/n sighed. She was right, if she wanted everything to work out she had to at least have a conversation with these people. It would be weird to refuse Emma's invitation to her birthday. It would just show that she was uninterested.

- Okay... You won ok? - She said and Milla gave an excited squeal. - But I won't stay long!

- Okay, okay... Just for you to go is great! Andrew will be there shortly for you to choose a dress. -Andrew was her stylist and she practically jumped every time Y/n had an important event, because it was rare for her to go. Good thing he didn't just have her as a client, because otherwise he'd be bored out of his mind for a long time.

- Okay Mil, thank you... I love you! - She said and Milla said goodbye hanging up the phone.

It was late afternoon when Andrew arrived at her apartment with several suitcases and bags in both hands. He really had brought up thousands of options. But Y/n ended up choosing a slightly shiny black dress that went just above the knee with a V-neck. Something cute, but nothing too fancy.

He did her makeup. Which wasn't too heavy either, as she hated things that were too heavy on her face. Finally she put on a mid-heeled sandal in the same color as the dress and her sparkly earrings. Before Andrew left her apartment satisfied with the result.

It was almost 7:30 pm when a black car that would take her to the party location arrived in front of her building and she got out enter the backseat right after. She was apprehensive. She hated socializing to tell the truth. Large crowds and cameras really made her anxious.

After almost 20 minutes the car stopped in front of what appeared to be a large gate. Several paparazzi showed up and started taking pictures of her car surrounding her or even tapping on the window a little, asking her if she could talk to them. Which she obviously ignored. The driver introduced himself to the doorman and he opened the gate letting the car pass and stop in front of a luxurious mansion.

Some people were coming in and others were standing in front talking. She saw that there were some familiar faces of the media. Actresses, actors, singers, famous people of every imaginable type.

She opened the car door and walked out towards the large entrance. She smiled at a few people, nodding her head as she passed and found herself in a crowd of people as she entered the place. There really were a lot of people, despite the place being even bigger inside. Many with fancy drinks in hand and chatting. A song playing on the background.

She walked deeper into the room and took a quick look around trying to find the birthday girl. After a few minutes she found her near one of the sofas. Y/n walked over and stopped beside her, causing Emma to stop her conversation with two more people and look at her.

- Happy Birthday! - Y/n said in the friendliest way possible and Emma smirked and hugged her lightly afterwards.

- Thank you! Glad you came! - she said, breaking out of the hug after a few seconds.

- Your party is very beautiful, I loved the decoration. - Y/n said looking around. Indeed Emma had decorated the place in a simple way, but at the same time fancy and beautiful.

- Oh thank you... - she said, still smiling. - I'm very happy that you accepted my invitation, we have a lot to talk about since maybe we'll work together, right?

- No problem, obviously I would come... - Y/n said and almost punched herself because she was very fake in saying that. - But we really have to talk!

- Well, I was talking to Jim just now... I can give you his number later... He's a great director and I think it would be great for your adaptation... - Emma said and Y/n thought that she was really interested in that adaptation, because she was even talking to the possible renowned director, which surprised her. She thought Emma was a little more oblivious to her books and even movie stuff. She thought she was one of those famous actresses who expected others to come after her, not being interested in the work itself, but only on the fame and money. - We love your book! I think it has great potential for a grand adaptation.

- Wow, that is good to hear! Thanks a lot! - Y/n said sincerely this time. - I'll love talking to him too...

- Sure! - She looked behind Y/n and motioned to someone from far away. - Hey Jim! You can come here? - She asked speaking loudly for him to hear and Y/n turned around watching the director approaching after saying goodbye to someone. He wasn't much older than she thought, maybe in his early thirties, he wore a small beard that fit his face and short hair, but with curls that jutted out around his head. -That's Y/n... Y/n that's Jim...-Emma said when he got in front of her and Jim held out his hand with a smile.

- Nice to meet Y/n, we finally met... - he said and Y/n shook his hand also smiling.

- Nice to meet you Jim! - She said and Emma sat in one of the armchairs indicating for the two to sit, which they did next.

- Do you two want something to drink? Champagne?- Emma asked and they both accepted as she motioned for someone from far away to bring them.

- Well, I found your book very intriguing Y/n... I can say I haven't slept for a while... - Jim said laughing a little and Y/n smiled. - It's a very well written story, I loved the plots and it has a great resolution. I think I would make a good 2 hour movie with all this material... - he said and Y/n paid attention until something took her a little out of focus. Something not. Somebody.

It was the waiter, and not just any waiter. It was Tom. He came into her vision and she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Maybe it was a mirage or she was mistaking him for someone else. But when he approached she was sure it was him. He came with a tray with drinks in one hand. He was wering a white dress shirt, with black pants. The typical pattern of a fancy party waiter. But he was beautiful. Y/n felt a shiver for a moment and tried to hide it by looking back at Jim who was still talking about his plans for the possible movie.

Maybe Tom didn't even remember her. She was just a one-night stand, he should do that with a lot of girls out there, so it wasn't something new to him. As soon as he arrived, he handed one of the glasses to Emma beside her and Y/n felt her breath quicken a little. She didn't know why she was so nervous. It was just a waiter she had slept with a few days ago.

- Excuse me... - he said and Y/n looked up at him quickly seeing that he was right in front of him. -Here it is miss...-he said looking her in the eyes and then winking at her, wich almost make her shrink in her chair. He held out the tray for her to take one of the glasses and she did, looking away at Jim.

- So, what do you think? - Jim asked taking the glass from the tray and Y/n took a sip of his surprise drink.

- Sorry? - She asked guiltily for having been distracted.

- About us meeting and having a meeting next week? That way I can show you my idea better. - he said and Y/n smiled.

- Of course, that would be great! - she said and Tom walked away not looking in her direction again, which left her disappointed for a second. She would going to love looking into those eyes again.

- Perfect! - Jim replied excitedly and started talking about other things as well as Emma.

They talked for almost an hour, until Emma went to talk to other people and Jim said he was leaving as he had some work in the morning. Y/n sat for a while and finished drinking the last of her champagne and placed it on the table in front of her.

She thought about leaving. She had already done the important interactions for the night. So, she had no reason to stay there. But she kept thinking about the damn waiter. Would it be weird to go talk to him? Maybe just say hi? But she doubted he would want to talk to her. Besides, he was working. She didn't want to get in his way.

Getting up from her chair and straightening her dress, she forced her steps towards the exit, but stopped midway as she saw Tom walking into what appeared to be the kitchen with the tray tucked under his arm. She looked at the exit door and sighed. Okay, if she went to him just to say hi, it wouldn't hurt would it?

Y/n turned and headed in the direction that Tom had gone. She couldn't even believe she was doing it this. She would looked ridiculous in his eyes. But she choose to ignore the little voice of reason again. Passing by a few people, and walking out into a empty hallway, she opening a single door at end. She closed in behind her and turned to see that Tom was on his back piling some boxes in a corner. His muscles in that outfit made her feel tempted somehow, so she swallowed hard. He turned at the sound of the door closing and looked at her with a mixture of confusion and curiosity.

- Looking for something madam? - He asked with a smirk.

- Actually... - Y/n thought of some excuse, maybe it would be better, so it would seem that she was there for something else and not for him. - Yeah... I was looking for the bathroom, I think I take the wrong direction...

- Yeah...Actually, the bathroom is on the other side of the hallway... - he said leaning against the kitchen counter and looking her up and down, making her feel completely vulnerable. After his eyes roamed her legs and bust, they came to her face and he grinned.

- Okay, I'll... - Y/n started saying and turned around taking a few steps. But she stopped midway, closing his eyes, tearing himself apart from the inside out of embarrassment. She turned around again seeing that he was still watching her, now with his arms crossed over his chest, wondering what she would do next. - You remember me don't you? - She asked fearfully.

- Of course I remember darling... - he said, practically intensifying his accent in that nickname that was so perfect in his voice. Y/n took a few steps forward also crossing her arms. - How could I forget the famous writer Y/n?- He raised an eyebrow and she rolled her eyes with his last sentence.

- It really was an...- She looked at her feet trying to find a word. - Interesting night… - she finally said and he chuckled, making her look up.

- Very interesting indeed... - he said putting his hands in his front pockets, pulling himself away from the counter and heading towards her. Y/n wanted to say goodbye and leave, run away as fast as possible. But she couldn't, every move he did was too tempting, so she just stood there watching him get closer and closer to her. He stopped in front of her and looked into her eyes, smiling slightly.

- What are you doing here? Do you work as a waiter at parties too? - Y/n asked curiously.

- My boss sometimes receives proposals for us to work at these rich parties... - he said with a shrug.

- Oh... Nice... - she said crossing her arms. - Well...Now I really have to go... - she said trying to get away from it one last time.

- Why did you really come here love? -Tom asked tilting his head a little to the side and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

- I told you, I was looking for the bathroom. -Y/n looked at his face trying to be firm, but saw that he still wore that smirk. Why did he have to be so confident like that?

- Oh sure... Just like you also looked for some excuse that day for me to leave, but failed miserably?- he asked making a thoughtful face and she still hadn't decided if she wanted to slap him or kiss him.

- Why did you leave without saying goodbye tho? - She asked ignoring what he had said.

- So that's why you came after me? Are you hurt that I didn't leave you a goodbye kiss? - he said pouting.

- Of course not, I just... I don't know, it would be nice to say that you were leaving and that you wouldn't stay for breakfast... - Y/n said looking to the side, avoiding those brown eyes that intimidated her.

- Darling, I'm not that type guy, sorry...

- What type of guy? - she still avoided looking at him.

- The type who stay for breakfeast. -he said taking a hand from her pocket and taking her chin gently, making her look at him. - But if you want some fun I'm at your disposal. -he said and she bit her lower lip lightly making him deviate his eyes towards her lips. - Do you want darling?- he asked quietly and Y/n seemed to be transfixed by her touch. She was surrendered, she couldn't deny it. Maybe even hypnotized.

- I...- she said with a little shaky voice. - I don't know...

- Yes or no?- he asked looking from her lips to her eyes and she felt her breath getting heavy.

- Yes...- she just spoke as a whisper and he smiled satisfied.

- How about you meet me in 15 minutes in the bathroom of the pool house? - He said and she just shook her head slowly. Tom released her chin and backed away slowly, not taking his eyes off her, and then walked away leaving her alone with her heart racing.

Y/n took a deep breath and tried to place herself in what had just happened. Did she really want this? Her mind could try to hear the voice of reason, but it was drowned out by her body's reaction. She wanted to feel him again.

She walked away quickly, passing several people who were talking loudly or who were already drunk. She looked around and saw the door that led to the back side and sneak there, getting out and feeling the slightly chilly night air, closing the sliding door behind her.

She saw the pool that had some people around it and a little further to the right a door that opened into another closed space. Probably the pool house. She walked over there, trying to hide it so no one would see her, and went inside. She closed the front door slowly and headed towards the bathroom.

The place was dark, with only the lights outside. So she was holding her hand into to some stuff until he found the door. She went in and turned on the light. The bathroom was spacious, with a large sink and a huge mirror in front of it. She closed herself off and looked at herself in the reflection.

That was crazy. She had never done that at parties. Not even when she was drunk. And now she was there, looking forward to what might happen. In fact she knew what was going to happen, just as she knew when she invited him up to her apartment that night. But even so, she felt butterflies in her stomach in anticipation.

After almost 10 minutes of waiting she heard the bathroom door open and she turned in the direction, feeling extremely anxious. Tom came in looking over his shoulder and closed the door soon after, looking at her with an opening grin. He locked the door slowly with one hand and came towards her in a hurry.

The next thing she felt was his lips pressing against hers urgently. He kissed her like it was the last thing he would do. Running her tongue over her lips asking permission and Y/n opened it slowly letting him explore her mouth with his burning tongue.

She ran her hand around the back of his neck pulling his hair and he responded by holding her waist tightly. Tom walked forward and she leaned her back against the sink counter. Making him lift her with agility, sitting her down on the cold surface and getting between her legs. She grunted in surprise against his mouth and he broke the kiss for air. Kissing from her neck to her collarbone and she closed her eyes feeling his touch.

- Tom... - she said in a low voice. - You won't get in trouble if you disappear like that? -he now kissed her neckline and squeezed her thigh with desire.

- Not if we're fast darling. -He spoke a bit husky, moving his kisses to her earlobe, biting lightly and she moaned low. - And despite loving your sounds, you will have to be silent. - He looked at her smiling maliciously. - Promise? -He spoke touching her nose with his lightly, looking at her closely, and she nodded making him attack her lips next.

Still kissing her he pulled the hem of her dress up a little and she bit his lip making him smile against the kiss. Her fingers reached her inner thigh and then moved up to her panties. Tom put the fabric aside with one of her fingers and passed one slowly at her entrance feeling her wetness.

- Always ready for me aren't you darling? -He said pulling his mouth away from hers, staying just a few centimeters away from her. She moaned softly again and he smiled as he pulled her fingers away and replaced them around her thighs pulling her closer to the edge of the sink. He started to finger her really slowly and she bite her lips, trying to control her moaning. Tom keep his pace just watching her face squirm with pleasure. After seconds he removed his delicious fingers making her almost protest out loud, makind him smile even more. If wasn't for the rush he would definitively make his time with you.

Y/n then put his hands on the collar of his shirt and opened the first buttons. Kissing his neck with desire, making him squeeze her thighs in response. Biting her lips he unfastened his belt and then the buttons of his pants pulled them down along with his boxers, revealing his cock. He pulled her in for one more kiss before taking the condom package from his pocket and opening it, meanwhile Y/n was kissing uncovered place she could reach, from his face to his chest, opening more buttons of his shirt.

Tom adjusted the condom on his cock before taking a few thrusts. He moved even closer to her, if that was even possible, and gave her a peck.

- Ready? He spoke softly against her lips and she nodded almost in despair, wanting to feel him inside her more than anything.

He smiled once more and slid his cock easily as she was completely wet. Tom growled low against her ear and Y/n bit her lip so no sound could come out. He started to move, after she was more adjusted to his size, at first slowly and starting to increase his pace with each second.

-Fuck... - he cursed softly against her ear and she pulled the hair from his neck with one hand, while the other squeezed his shoulder. The more he increased the pace she felt as if she were coming off the ground. - So tight darling... - he said between small grunts. - Feels so good...

- Tom... - Y/n spoke and he increased the pace even more making her moan with the sudden sensation of pleasure and he muffled her sounds by sticking his lips on hers.

-Shh… - he said after moving his lips from hers and Y/n tried her best to keep the sounds to herself, but he filled her perfectly and made her feel so good that she couldn't help it. Tom smirked and put his hand over her mouth, covering her moans. - Can't contain yourself? -he said and kissed her neck giving light bites and hickeys. -You're so easy for me, love... Look at you...- he spoke in a low voice, while still holding his hand firm in her mouth and kissing below her ear. - So easy...- he said going faster, as if it were possible, and bit his lower lip trying to contain his own moans this time, touching his nose to her cheek.

- Please…- she managed to speak muffled against his hand, feeling her orgasm quickly building.

- I know sweetheart... - he said making her feel his heavy breath into her cheek. -I got you ...-he finally said and that was enough for her orgasm to release with force, making him also come right after her with one last muffled grunt against her neck. He continued to move slowly for a few more seconds, before coming to a complete stop. The two of them with their breaths out of control. Reaching their high.

After a few minutes Tom took his hand from her mouth and soon after took his member out of her slowly. The two were silent the entire time. Y/n felt empty as soonTom walked away to clean up, still half dazed from all the pleasure she just felt. He cleaned himself up and discarded the condom, zipping his pants and turned around, buttoning his shirt right away. Y/n didn't take her eyes off every move he made and he smiled approaching her.

- Want some help darling? - he asked standing in front of her and she held in his arms before he helped her getting down from the sink. She felt a little dizzy and if it wasn't for him holding her she thought she would fall. - You're right? - he asked still holding her on her waist.

- Yes...Thank you... - she managed to say.

- Well, I have to go, before they notice that I'm gone... - he said, releasing her.

- Of course... - Y/n said. - Tom… - she didn't know what to say. It might be the second time they'd done this, but it still felt like it was the first and she felt somewhat embarrassed. Maybe because she wasn't used to casual sex.

- See you soon? - He said giving a quick kiss on her cheek, fixing his hair in the best way he could and winking as he walked away, going to the door and unlocking it. He got out and closed it behind him while she back staring into the mirror.

She took a deep breath and was trying to figure out what to do next. After cleaning her up she finally got out of there. She crawled to the door and managed to get through the party without the weird looks she thought everyone would send to her when they bumped into her. For some reason she thought everyone would know, but obviously not. She felt weird doing that at an party, it really wasn't like her. But why did she feel so good?

She looked around before heading out of the house, but she didn't find Tom in her vision and she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She wanted to look at him one last time from afar, but at the same time she didn't. Maybe that was the last time they were going to do that. She didn't think she'd find him like this anywhere else, and she didn't intend to go to the bar he worked at just to get another night with him. Besides, that's what she was, just one night, just a "quickie" in the bathroom. And everything was fine. He was that for her too, so what did it matter?

For a moment she felt his head fill with ideas. Y/n had a perfect plot for her story now. She had to go home and get back to writing right away. Calling the driver from a distance, she practically ran towards the car.

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